Life has been so hectic these last few months. I start each day before 8am and don't lay my head down till midnight or later. Work. School. Laundry. Dishes. Cooking. Shopping. The tasks seem to go on and on. Then when you add in holidays and other things that just come up, time completely disappears...
Thanksgiving came and went and the day was great. Walter and I started with a wonderful family lunch at his father's home. His step-mother, Dale, made a wonderful meal. With the help of Walter's aunts, there was more food than could possibly be consumed in one sitting. I was able to keep down turkey and potatoes with gravy. Later that day, we went to my mother's for another Thanksgiving feast. There wasn't nearly as much food but still way more than we could finish. I had more turkey and potatoes with gravy. Before bed that night, I even managed to get in a small piece of chocolate pie with whipped cream. My mom made it with fat-free, sugar-free pudding so I could have some and it tasted fabulous. I tried to savor it for as long as possible.
In the last month, I have been able to eat a greater variety of foods and have only been sick a handful of times. I didn't think this day would ever come. For a very long time it seemed like I would never be able to eat even partially normal again. There was a time when I had almost given up. Things didn't just get easy overnight but things are better than they were. I still struggle with getting enough protein and enough liquids. My vitamins still make me feel sick but rarely actually make me sick. The last time the doctor tested my vitamin levels, most of them were pretty low but not enough to change anything. He thinks that I just need to keep taking them and eventually things will level out.
I wish that I could say that all these waiting games I have been playing with my body were helping me to learn patience but its not. I still hate waiting and I still have unrealistic expectations of the amount of waiting I should have to endure. The changes are too few and the time between the changes is just too great. Why can't I wake up tomorrow and need to buy a whole new wardrobe in a size 6? Oh well. I guess I have to wait whether I want to or not.
I have had my husband take new pictures several times in the last few months but I can't seem to get him to get the pictures off the camera so I can post them. I will work on getting him to do it and post pictures as soon as I can but for now, you'll have to just believe me when I say that there have been some changes. I went shopping for new clothes in my mother's closet and I gave away 2 trash bags full of clothes. Yeah!
Friday, December 10, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
Renovating
I haven't written several weeks because there really hasn't been anything worth posting about. Last week I finally met with the surgeon. He told me that its too early to run any tests to see if I need an adjustment to my surgery. He gave me 2 prescriptions. One was for Robinul. The list of side effects is terrible. I experienced a good number of them: drowsiness, dizziness, dry mouth, mild weakness, headaches, trouble falling asleep and trouble staying asleep, as well as, basic dryness over my whole body. It keeps you from sweating or reduces sweating and makes your skin and hair dry. It even made my nasal passages dry. The thing is, it actually helped me to eat. I ate 3 small meals a day for 3 days in a row. It was good until it was really bad. I got to the point where my head hurt so bad I couldn't imagine eating. I felt sick to my stomach my head hurt so bad. I couldn't sleep and Tylenol only worked for 30-45 minutes and I couldn't have anymore for hours. I am not sure if the medicine gave me the headache or kept me from sleeping or both. I did some reading online and for some people the side effects went away after a few days and with other people they persisted. After a week, I decided that I'd rather not eat then to have my head hurt so much. I stopped taking it and it took me 2 more days for the symptoms to go away.
Today is the first day I have been completely symptom free and feeling good. I keep contemplating trying the other medication but it has a list of similar side effects. Plus, the other one is a liquid and probably tastes like crap. It smells weird. I can't even remember what its called and I am too tired to go to the other room to read the label.
The first day I took the meds, I was so happy to be able to eat and to have things go down so easily. It felt so good to be able to eat and not hurt or feel sick. It made me feel like things were finally going to be better for me. It made me have a little hope that maybe this wasn't how the rest of my life was going to be. I think its harder now than it was before because I had a glimpse of what life is supposed to be like.
Today is the first day I have been completely symptom free and feeling good. I keep contemplating trying the other medication but it has a list of similar side effects. Plus, the other one is a liquid and probably tastes like crap. It smells weird. I can't even remember what its called and I am too tired to go to the other room to read the label.
The first day I took the meds, I was so happy to be able to eat and to have things go down so easily. It felt so good to be able to eat and not hurt or feel sick. It made me feel like things were finally going to be better for me. It made me have a little hope that maybe this wasn't how the rest of my life was going to be. I think its harder now than it was before because I had a glimpse of what life is supposed to be like.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Alone in My World
I always knew that this journey would be difficult. I just never realized how difficult it would be. I didn't realize that it would leave me feeling so very alone in this world. I always knew I was a comfort eater. I knew that would mean that I would have nothing to turn to when my emotions were running wild. I just never realized how hard it would be to be alone in my world with nothing.
I thought it would be ok that Walter and I chose different paths to get us to healthier versions of ourselves. I am not sure if I was just being niave or if I was lying to myself but either way, this just isn't working. He gets to pick and chose when he wants to be healthy and I spend every day essentially dying of starvation even though I never feel hunger. I knew that he would be able to eat things I never would and I thought I'd be ok with that too but I can't handle it. I can't seem to handle anything anymore.
I just want to go to bed and never wake up. I want to lay my head down to sleep tonight and never see another sun rise. I want to close my eyes and never open them to a new day of hell on earth. I don't know if there is a God or not. I don't know if there is a heaven or a hell. All I know is, I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to take another breathe. I don't want to swallow another sip of milk. I don't want to throw up anymore. I don't want to think anymore. I just want it all to end. I wish I were more like a dolphin. Dolphins are conscience breathers. They have to think to take each and every breathe. This also means that they can just chose not to breathe any longer. They can just decide that there are more bad days than good days and just chose to not live in misery any longer.
I have never needed someone so much as I need someone now and it feels like the more I need my husband the less he wants to be there. He checks out of our life and checks into a video game or tv show.
I thought it would be ok that Walter and I chose different paths to get us to healthier versions of ourselves. I am not sure if I was just being niave or if I was lying to myself but either way, this just isn't working. He gets to pick and chose when he wants to be healthy and I spend every day essentially dying of starvation even though I never feel hunger. I knew that he would be able to eat things I never would and I thought I'd be ok with that too but I can't handle it. I can't seem to handle anything anymore.
I just want to go to bed and never wake up. I want to lay my head down to sleep tonight and never see another sun rise. I want to close my eyes and never open them to a new day of hell on earth. I don't know if there is a God or not. I don't know if there is a heaven or a hell. All I know is, I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to take another breathe. I don't want to swallow another sip of milk. I don't want to throw up anymore. I don't want to think anymore. I just want it all to end. I wish I were more like a dolphin. Dolphins are conscience breathers. They have to think to take each and every breathe. This also means that they can just chose not to breathe any longer. They can just decide that there are more bad days than good days and just chose to not live in misery any longer.
I have never needed someone so much as I need someone now and it feels like the more I need my husband the less he wants to be there. He checks out of our life and checks into a video game or tv show.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Giving Back
Since I started losing weight a few months ago, I have been talking with my husband about finding a way to be able to see my weight loss through other means. He suggested things like buying a pound of rice for every pound I lost or something along those lines. Then, once I hit my goal I could donated it all to a local food pantry or similar program.
I really liked the idea behind this because wasn't sure that any food pantry would want a few hundred pounds of rice. I am sure they wouldn't say "no" but I am sure that a larger variety of food items would be better.
Recently my mother started working at the Waterville Homeless Shelter. I talked with her about what I wanted to do. She helped me to come up with a list of items that may be useful to them. In conjunction with the Waterville Homeless Action Committee and other community agencies, many families are moved into apartments on a regular basis. Most of them have a hard time when they first move out. Things that we use on a regular basis have to be purchased. Items such as towels, wash cloths, brooms, mops, other cleaning supplies, paper towels and even toilet paper. The list goes on and on and the need is great.
With all this information in mind, I have decided to make 2 types of donations. One for food items and one for non-food items. For every pound I lose, I will purchase 1 non-food item and spend $1 on food items. Because I recently hit the half way mark on my first goal, I also made my first shopping trip. I went to Sam's club and purchased paper towels, toilet paper, macaroni & cheese, spaghetti and sauce, and other assorted food items that keep for a long time. My first donation will be dropped off on Sunday.
With the economy the way it is, things are especially difficult for many families. Not just people at homeless shelters. Many people go hungry on a regular basis. I recently received information from the Feeding America program that caught my eye. Libby's is doing a virtual food drive.
Every $5 you give provides 35 meals for hungry families. And every dollar raised will be matched by Libby’s, up to $40,000! Where else can you get a deal like that?
Plus, you don't even have to leave the comfort of your own home. Just go to my donation page and make a donation. Also, please feel free to send the link to my page to everyone you know. If we raise $1500, then I get a year's supply of canned vegetables that I plan on giving directly to the Waterville Homeless shelter.
I feel like giving back in this way is really going to give me a sense of purpose. With all the unfortunate problems I have been having through my weight loss process, I am really looking forward to getting something good out of it.
Thank you to everyone that supports me emotionally and thank you in advance to anyone that is able to give to this great cause.
I really liked the idea behind this because wasn't sure that any food pantry would want a few hundred pounds of rice. I am sure they wouldn't say "no" but I am sure that a larger variety of food items would be better.
Recently my mother started working at the Waterville Homeless Shelter. I talked with her about what I wanted to do. She helped me to come up with a list of items that may be useful to them. In conjunction with the Waterville Homeless Action Committee and other community agencies, many families are moved into apartments on a regular basis. Most of them have a hard time when they first move out. Things that we use on a regular basis have to be purchased. Items such as towels, wash cloths, brooms, mops, other cleaning supplies, paper towels and even toilet paper. The list goes on and on and the need is great.
With all this information in mind, I have decided to make 2 types of donations. One for food items and one for non-food items. For every pound I lose, I will purchase 1 non-food item and spend $1 on food items. Because I recently hit the half way mark on my first goal, I also made my first shopping trip. I went to Sam's club and purchased paper towels, toilet paper, macaroni & cheese, spaghetti and sauce, and other assorted food items that keep for a long time. My first donation will be dropped off on Sunday.
With the economy the way it is, things are especially difficult for many families. Not just people at homeless shelters. Many people go hungry on a regular basis. I recently received information from the Feeding America program that caught my eye. Libby's is doing a virtual food drive.
Every $5 you give provides 35 meals for hungry families. And every dollar raised will be matched by Libby’s, up to $40,000! Where else can you get a deal like that?
Plus, you don't even have to leave the comfort of your own home. Just go to my donation page and make a donation. Also, please feel free to send the link to my page to everyone you know. If we raise $1500, then I get a year's supply of canned vegetables that I plan on giving directly to the Waterville Homeless shelter.
I feel like giving back in this way is really going to give me a sense of purpose. With all the unfortunate problems I have been having through my weight loss process, I am really looking forward to getting something good out of it.
Thank you to everyone that supports me emotionally and thank you in advance to anyone that is able to give to this great cause.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Fall is Here...
Although things have been really hard for me since surgery, I haven't really had any pain. I stopped using the morphine 24 hours after surgery and never used any pain medication at home. I have been very thankful for that because I know that my sister's mother-in-law had a lot of pain after her surgery.
Last night, I woke up at about 2:30am. I had a pain so bad I woke up crying. I have never felt anything so bad in my life. I curled up in a fetal position and just cried. My husband woke up and asked me if I was OK. I told him that it hurt and he asked where. I could really explain it so I poked him where it hurt. My lower right abdomen. At first I was very scared and just wanted him to hold my hand. Then, as we tried to talk about it I began to realize that this could be pretty major. This should have made me even more scared but instead it somehow cleared my head and I realized we just had to do something about it.
I guess my husband was thinking the same thing because he said we should go to the ER. He helped me get dressed, down the 2 flights of stairs and up into the truck. The ride was excruciating. Plus, it was so cold out that I began to shiver and the shaking hurt even more. We arrived at the ER just before 4am.
I talked to a triage nurse. I talked to a Physcian's Assistant that was there doing an observation and then I talked to the doctor. They thought maybe I had appendicitis. The symptoms fit. I peed in a cup and they took blood. They gave me an IV and then we just waited.
My blood pressure was up. My pulse was up. My white count was elevated and there was a small amount of blood in my urine. Great. Now it could be appendicitis or kidney stones.
I had several X-rays. They gave me a chest x-ray and an abdominal x-ray. Then they decided I needed a ct scan. To have the CT scan, I needed to drink some contrast material. The nurse said I had an hour to drink 1 liter of fluid. They flavored it with orange crystal lite. I had to remind her that with gastric bypass I would not be able to drink that much fluid. She said to do my best. She also brought me a straw, which I can't use but I didn't tell her that. I drank 2 of the 3 cups that she gave me. By the time I was getting to the bottom of the second one my stomach was starting to feel really nauseated. About this time, the technician came to take me to have the scan so I didn't have to drink the 3rd cup.
When all was said and done, at around 8am. They sent me home with instructions to rest and call my surgeon to make sure that the pain wasn't related to the gastric bypass. In other words, they have no idea what my problem is. The pain is now bearable but still uncomfortable, especially when I walk.
I called the surgeon's office and he's not in the office this week or next. The nurse called me back this afternoon to talk about my symptoms so she could determine whether there was any sort of emergency that needed to be address by the surgeon on call. She told me that although my problems aren't common, she has seen a handful of patients that have alot of the same problems I have. She moved my appointment to see the surgeon up as far as she could but that is still 2 weeks away.
Its frustrating for me to keep hearing that things will get better and to just have a little more patience while my body heals. I give up. Really. I mean, what's the point. I just need to resign myself to that fact that I am going to feel like crap for the rest of my life and if it turns out differently then "bonus."
__________________________
Side Note: The following has nothing to do with my gastric bypass. Its just a little something about me.
My husband and I met 3 years ago this month. It seems like it has been so much longer. I mean this in a good way. I hardly remember what life was like before I met him. I know that things have been just wonderful since we met. We've hardly been apart for the past 3 years. I can't think of a single day since I met Walter that we haven't talk to each other on the phone or in person.
In the beginning, we talked for 3-4 hours on the phone. Many nights I would have to force him to hang up because he was falling asleep while we were talking. He'd say some random thing that had nothing to do with the conversation and it would get me giggling. Till this day, he still denies falling asleep while we talk but most nights he falls asleep while I am still gabbing away. :-)
Last night, I woke up at about 2:30am. I had a pain so bad I woke up crying. I have never felt anything so bad in my life. I curled up in a fetal position and just cried. My husband woke up and asked me if I was OK. I told him that it hurt and he asked where. I could really explain it so I poked him where it hurt. My lower right abdomen. At first I was very scared and just wanted him to hold my hand. Then, as we tried to talk about it I began to realize that this could be pretty major. This should have made me even more scared but instead it somehow cleared my head and I realized we just had to do something about it.
I guess my husband was thinking the same thing because he said we should go to the ER. He helped me get dressed, down the 2 flights of stairs and up into the truck. The ride was excruciating. Plus, it was so cold out that I began to shiver and the shaking hurt even more. We arrived at the ER just before 4am.
I talked to a triage nurse. I talked to a Physcian's Assistant that was there doing an observation and then I talked to the doctor. They thought maybe I had appendicitis. The symptoms fit. I peed in a cup and they took blood. They gave me an IV and then we just waited.
My blood pressure was up. My pulse was up. My white count was elevated and there was a small amount of blood in my urine. Great. Now it could be appendicitis or kidney stones.
I had several X-rays. They gave me a chest x-ray and an abdominal x-ray. Then they decided I needed a ct scan. To have the CT scan, I needed to drink some contrast material. The nurse said I had an hour to drink 1 liter of fluid. They flavored it with orange crystal lite. I had to remind her that with gastric bypass I would not be able to drink that much fluid. She said to do my best. She also brought me a straw, which I can't use but I didn't tell her that. I drank 2 of the 3 cups that she gave me. By the time I was getting to the bottom of the second one my stomach was starting to feel really nauseated. About this time, the technician came to take me to have the scan so I didn't have to drink the 3rd cup.
When all was said and done, at around 8am. They sent me home with instructions to rest and call my surgeon to make sure that the pain wasn't related to the gastric bypass. In other words, they have no idea what my problem is. The pain is now bearable but still uncomfortable, especially when I walk.
I called the surgeon's office and he's not in the office this week or next. The nurse called me back this afternoon to talk about my symptoms so she could determine whether there was any sort of emergency that needed to be address by the surgeon on call. She told me that although my problems aren't common, she has seen a handful of patients that have alot of the same problems I have. She moved my appointment to see the surgeon up as far as she could but that is still 2 weeks away.
Its frustrating for me to keep hearing that things will get better and to just have a little more patience while my body heals. I give up. Really. I mean, what's the point. I just need to resign myself to that fact that I am going to feel like crap for the rest of my life and if it turns out differently then "bonus."
__________________________
Side Note: The following has nothing to do with my gastric bypass. Its just a little something about me.
My husband and I met 3 years ago this month. It seems like it has been so much longer. I mean this in a good way. I hardly remember what life was like before I met him. I know that things have been just wonderful since we met. We've hardly been apart for the past 3 years. I can't think of a single day since I met Walter that we haven't talk to each other on the phone or in person.
In the beginning, we talked for 3-4 hours on the phone. Many nights I would have to force him to hang up because he was falling asleep while we were talking. He'd say some random thing that had nothing to do with the conversation and it would get me giggling. Till this day, he still denies falling asleep while we talk but most nights he falls asleep while I am still gabbing away. :-)
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Time Keeps Ticking
I really appreciate all the comments that everyone made about noticing the differences in the pictures. It helps so much to hear that right now. I spend so much time alone at home that I am the only one that ever gets to see me. Plus, I see me every day so I don't really notice the differences.
I still can't seem to get very many solids to stay down so I pretty much stopped eating. Right now I am drinking 8-10 glasses of milk a day to hit my protein and liquid goals. Occasionally, I have a few crackers or a bite or two of some sort of meat but other than that its just milk.
I feel like my energy level is more even although school still exhausts me. I have started keeping down my vitamins but I am still not taking all of them every day. I'm afraid that if I take them all I won't keep them down so I am going to work more and more in over the next week or two.
Hopefully these blogs will get a bit more exciting in the next few weeks. I am hoping to be able to keep down solids eventually and when I do, I am sure my blogs will be all about the yummy things I am eating. :-)
I still can't seem to get very many solids to stay down so I pretty much stopped eating. Right now I am drinking 8-10 glasses of milk a day to hit my protein and liquid goals. Occasionally, I have a few crackers or a bite or two of some sort of meat but other than that its just milk.
I feel like my energy level is more even although school still exhausts me. I have started keeping down my vitamins but I am still not taking all of them every day. I'm afraid that if I take them all I won't keep them down so I am going to work more and more in over the next week or two.
Hopefully these blogs will get a bit more exciting in the next few weeks. I am hoping to be able to keep down solids eventually and when I do, I am sure my blogs will be all about the yummy things I am eating. :-)
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Something Else to Think About
Finally, the numbers on the scale are moving a little better. Nothing fabulous but any movement at this point is appreciated. I finally went below 300 but I wasn't as excited as I thought I'd be. I know its because it took weeks to lose those last 4 pounds. Its hard to be excited when I feel like I have so much catching up to do for all those weeks I didn't lose anything.
I finally got my husband to get the picture off the camera. He took them almost 3 weeks ago and I am just now getting to post them. I had him take some more last night while he was at it. I figured if he had the camera out he might as well snap a few.
I am having a really hard time seeing much difference in the pictures. I am trying really hard to find any difference and be happy about it but I guess I just always thought that 43 pounds would look like so much more. I know that is because if anyone else in my life lost that much weight it would make a huge difference and with me its such a small part of me.
I officially can't wear my wedding rings on my ring finger anymore. So, I guess I'm losing weight in my hands. I started wearing them on my middle finger. It feels weird but I don't want to lose them and I don't want to go without them. My watch slides all the way around my wrist now so I guess I am losing weight there too. I just want to look in the mirror and see a difference without having to compare pictures and measure every body part looking for a difference.
Note to Body: I know that we're losing weight all over but I would be much happier if you would just shed the pounds in my mid section. That is where we will actually be able to visually see a difference and it would make us most happy. Thank you Body for listening and taking my request into consideration. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Anyway, I truly am happy to see the numbers change on the scale. I just can't help but wish for more. My expectations of the weight loss after surgery were just too high. I expected to be in some of my old clothes by now. Instead, I'm still living in sweat pants and t-shirts. Ugh. I have no choice but to keep trudging along, trying to hit protein goals and trying hard not to throw up every solid that I put into my body. It feels like a losing battle right now but it has to get better. It just has to.
I finally got my husband to get the picture off the camera. He took them almost 3 weeks ago and I am just now getting to post them. I had him take some more last night while he was at it. I figured if he had the camera out he might as well snap a few.
I am having a really hard time seeing much difference in the pictures. I am trying really hard to find any difference and be happy about it but I guess I just always thought that 43 pounds would look like so much more. I know that is because if anyone else in my life lost that much weight it would make a huge difference and with me its such a small part of me.
I officially can't wear my wedding rings on my ring finger anymore. So, I guess I'm losing weight in my hands. I started wearing them on my middle finger. It feels weird but I don't want to lose them and I don't want to go without them. My watch slides all the way around my wrist now so I guess I am losing weight there too. I just want to look in the mirror and see a difference without having to compare pictures and measure every body part looking for a difference.
Note to Body: I know that we're losing weight all over but I would be much happier if you would just shed the pounds in my mid section. That is where we will actually be able to visually see a difference and it would make us most happy. Thank you Body for listening and taking my request into consideration. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Anyway, I truly am happy to see the numbers change on the scale. I just can't help but wish for more. My expectations of the weight loss after surgery were just too high. I expected to be in some of my old clothes by now. Instead, I'm still living in sweat pants and t-shirts. Ugh. I have no choice but to keep trudging along, trying to hit protein goals and trying hard not to throw up every solid that I put into my body. It feels like a losing battle right now but it has to get better. It just has to.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Counting Down
Its been 10 days since I posted last and I figured it was time to write again. I really don't have much to post. I am still struggling with keeping things down. I have talked with the nutritionist at the bariatric center a few times and we've decided that the stress of trying to force food down is only making the problem worse. Stress and anxiety can cause my stomach to restrict and therefore it doesn't have room to fit any food. So, we decreased my protein goal in hopes that if I start reaching it regularly that maybe I can relax and get more in.
Over the last week I have hit my new protein goal 3 times. I think that is more than I have hit the goal since I had the surgery. It makes me feel like maybe things will get a little better. Right now I am drinking a lot of milk and that helps with both protein and liquids. I have also been getting in 1 or 2 "meals" of protein solids a day so things are going well.
Schools days are always too tough to get food in but I drink as much milk as I can and get a bunch of other liquids in throughout the day. This week I am going to try and get a "meal" in when I get home and see how that goes. Usually I just do all liquids on school days but I can't hit my goals like that. I'll give it a try and see how it goes.
The number on the scale still isn't moving like it needs to. I have only lost 2 pounds in the last 10 days. Still haven't hit my first big weight goal. Frustrating is not a big enough word to describe how I feel about that. The nutritionist says its because I am not getting enough calories. My body still thinks its starving to death and won't let go of anything. She recommended Sugar-Free Carnation Instant Breakfast packets. She thought that the added vitamins and calories would help jump start my weight loss but even just a few sips into a cup and I felt sick. The texture and taste wasn't good and apparently my stomach didn't like it either.
This week I got vitamins down a few times and hopefully this week i will be able to at least be able to get my multivitamin down and keep it down every day. I am not as worried about my calcium right now because of the large quantity of milk I am drinking right now. I gave myself my vitamin b shot today so I don't have to worry about that again for a month.
Well, I need to get back to homework. I have a bunch and I have school tomorrow.
Over the last week I have hit my new protein goal 3 times. I think that is more than I have hit the goal since I had the surgery. It makes me feel like maybe things will get a little better. Right now I am drinking a lot of milk and that helps with both protein and liquids. I have also been getting in 1 or 2 "meals" of protein solids a day so things are going well.
Schools days are always too tough to get food in but I drink as much milk as I can and get a bunch of other liquids in throughout the day. This week I am going to try and get a "meal" in when I get home and see how that goes. Usually I just do all liquids on school days but I can't hit my goals like that. I'll give it a try and see how it goes.
The number on the scale still isn't moving like it needs to. I have only lost 2 pounds in the last 10 days. Still haven't hit my first big weight goal. Frustrating is not a big enough word to describe how I feel about that. The nutritionist says its because I am not getting enough calories. My body still thinks its starving to death and won't let go of anything. She recommended Sugar-Free Carnation Instant Breakfast packets. She thought that the added vitamins and calories would help jump start my weight loss but even just a few sips into a cup and I felt sick. The texture and taste wasn't good and apparently my stomach didn't like it either.
This week I got vitamins down a few times and hopefully this week i will be able to at least be able to get my multivitamin down and keep it down every day. I am not as worried about my calcium right now because of the large quantity of milk I am drinking right now. I gave myself my vitamin b shot today so I don't have to worry about that again for a month.
Well, I need to get back to homework. I have a bunch and I have school tomorrow.
Friday, September 3, 2010
No Progress
I really don't have much to share because nothing seems to be happening. No weight loss for over a week and things don't seem to be getting much easier with eating. I haven't been throwing up as much but it hurts to get things down. No matter how slow I eat or how long I chew before swallowing, I can't seem to be able to eat more than one bite without having a very uncomfortable, heavy ache in my chest. Its like the food is backing up in my stomach and my esophagus. I just keep swallowing and swallowing and taking deep breathes and hoping that it won't come up. It doesn't but I know I would feel better if it did.
Its very frustrating to have my entire world revolving around food even though I really can't eat anything. Its even more frustrating to feel like I am working so hard to do this right and I am still not losing any weight.
I thought that I didn't really have any specific goals in mind for the short term. Over the last week, I have realized that I did, at least in the back on my mind I did. I haven't weighed less than 300 pounds in at least 6 years and maybe more. I can't remember exactly when I crossed that line. Every time I have gotten on the scale this past week, I have been longing to see the numbers go down. As I thought more and more about why I am getting so upset about the number going down, I realize that seeing the number go below 300 was what I really wanted to see. I am so close and yet it seems so far away.
I have been doing a lot of reading about how other people have dealt with these plateaus and the common theme I keep seeing is that I need to eat more. My body has begun to realize that I am slowly starving to death and its trying so hard to hold onto anything it can. Its doing exactly what it is supposed to do in this situation. Its trying to keep me alive.
I can only do what I have been doing and hope that things get better soon. I need to keep trying to eat more and more protein and to start getting my vitamins to stay down. I decided that tomorrow I WILL get 80g of protein into me even if I have to eat things that taste VERY VERY bad and make me want to be sick before I even swallow them. I can't keep being miserable and also not lose weight. If I am going to be miserable, I AM going to keep losing weight. I am not sure I will be able to do this everyday but I am going to keep trying every day until I am able to do it consistently. I have to do this because sometime in the next 4-6 weeks I am going to start losing my hair and how much I lose and how long it takes to grow back is going to depend on how long I continue to be malnourished.
Its very frustrating to have my entire world revolving around food even though I really can't eat anything. Its even more frustrating to feel like I am working so hard to do this right and I am still not losing any weight.
I thought that I didn't really have any specific goals in mind for the short term. Over the last week, I have realized that I did, at least in the back on my mind I did. I haven't weighed less than 300 pounds in at least 6 years and maybe more. I can't remember exactly when I crossed that line. Every time I have gotten on the scale this past week, I have been longing to see the numbers go down. As I thought more and more about why I am getting so upset about the number going down, I realize that seeing the number go below 300 was what I really wanted to see. I am so close and yet it seems so far away.
I have been doing a lot of reading about how other people have dealt with these plateaus and the common theme I keep seeing is that I need to eat more. My body has begun to realize that I am slowly starving to death and its trying so hard to hold onto anything it can. Its doing exactly what it is supposed to do in this situation. Its trying to keep me alive.
I can only do what I have been doing and hope that things get better soon. I need to keep trying to eat more and more protein and to start getting my vitamins to stay down. I decided that tomorrow I WILL get 80g of protein into me even if I have to eat things that taste VERY VERY bad and make me want to be sick before I even swallow them. I can't keep being miserable and also not lose weight. If I am going to be miserable, I AM going to keep losing weight. I am not sure I will be able to do this everyday but I am going to keep trying every day until I am able to do it consistently. I have to do this because sometime in the next 4-6 weeks I am going to start losing my hair and how much I lose and how long it takes to grow back is going to depend on how long I continue to be malnourished.
Monday, August 30, 2010
All Alone in This World
Since surgery, I have been feeling more and more alone. I feel like no one in this world has any idea what it is like to be me right now. I try to talk to family but they just try to convince me that things will get better. I don't really work that way. When things are bad and seem to be getting worse, I just need to know that I am not the only one that has been through this. No one in my life can give me that. No one understands what I am going through. I thought that because I had so many people supporting my decision that this would be easy but its not. Its nothing that I thought it would be. I knew it would be hard but its even harder than I imagined.
Today I found this blog and it made me feel a little better. Someone else in this world has been through this and knows exactly how I feel. I just hope that I can look back at this time and feel like it was worth it. I guess that only time will tell...
Today I found this blog and it made me feel a little better. Someone else in this world has been through this and knows exactly how I feel. I just hope that I can look back at this time and feel like it was worth it. I guess that only time will tell...
Friday, August 27, 2010
The Last Few Weeks
When I started this blog, I expected to write every week and sometimes even more than that. Just after my surgery I got so busy with work that I just couldn't find the time. Work ended about a week ago and since then I have just been exhausted. I am having hard time with the new diet and each day I seem more tired than the day before.
On August 12, I saw the surgeon for a follow-up and he said that I could start adding some soft proteins into my diet. I was excited to be able to have something other than protein shakes. On my way home, I stopped into the grocery store and started reading labels. The hardest part was finding cheese that has less than 2g of fat per serving. I had to go with reduced fat and non-fat cheeses. I also bought a few different types of yogurt. I was told multiple times that my taste buds would change with surgery. So, even though I have never liked yogurt, its a good source of protein and I figured it was worth trying. I also bought a few scallops and a small piece of haddock.
Over the next few days, I tried all the different proteins. Some go down easy and others seem to find their way back up just a few minutes after I get them down. All I seem to be able to keep down is milk and cheese. Yogurt tastes worse than I remember. One day I kept down a scallop but the next day it didn't like me as much. Its frustrating trying to figure out what to eat to meet my protein goals. I can't even come close to my 80g of protein a day. On a good day I can get in and keep down approximately 30g of protein. That means, I am not even hitting the half way point.
Part of me just wants to walk into the surgeon's office and tell him to put it all back the way it used to be. I know he won't. I know he really can't. I just feel like a failure at this. You'd think that with such a small list of things to eat that it would be easy to just eat every couple of hours and hit my goals daily. I just can't seem to do it. Part of me thinks its worse because I have to do this all alone and no one in my world has any idea what its like. People ask me how I am doing and its just easier to say that everything is fine. If I say anything else, they feel bad for me and try to say things to make me feel better and it just gets awkward.
I wanted to wait to post again on the blog until I had something good to talk about but I am not sure when that might be. I am currently drinking mostly milk and occasionally some corn chowder strained of all the chunks. I can't even keep down my vitamins. I barely have enough energy to get out of bed and after just 4 hours of watching TV, I am ready for a nap.
I met with the nutritionist on Wednesday and have been told I need a break from food. She thinks my stomach is just irritated and therefore any food with make me sick even if I previously could keep it down. So, she gave me an ok to take a 3-5 day break from my vitamins as long as I keep taking my medications. I am not allowed to put anything in my mouth that I have to chew. On top of all this, I only lost 1 pound this week. Mostly because all I have done is sit on the couch for the last few days.
She did say I can have fat-free, sugar-free pudding as long as I put protein powder in it. So, I just got done making that. Its in the fridge right now setting up. Hopefully it will taste good. With my taste buds changing, lots of things have been tasting really bad that I used to like. The hard part is that a lot of the things I can have only have 7-8g of protein in them so I have to have 10 servings a day to hit my goal. On top of that, I need to get in 64 oz of fluids. At least with the milk I can count 8oz toward liquid and 8g of protein toward my goal but there is only so much milk that a person can drink before going insane.
I guess this means I am starting over. I mean, I might as well be. I have to go back to liquids only for at least 5 days and then try more slowly this time to try introducing other proteins back in. I have decided to do better about posting, even if what I have to say isn't exactly delightful. This was supposed to be a journal for me as much as it is for other people. I am going to try to be more real about it.
Well, I am more than ready for my nap so I am going to end here. Later tonight, I will try to get my husband to take more pictures tonight so I can post them tomorrow. I don't think I have changed too much but some people say I have. I'll leave that up for you all to decide.
On August 12, I saw the surgeon for a follow-up and he said that I could start adding some soft proteins into my diet. I was excited to be able to have something other than protein shakes. On my way home, I stopped into the grocery store and started reading labels. The hardest part was finding cheese that has less than 2g of fat per serving. I had to go with reduced fat and non-fat cheeses. I also bought a few different types of yogurt. I was told multiple times that my taste buds would change with surgery. So, even though I have never liked yogurt, its a good source of protein and I figured it was worth trying. I also bought a few scallops and a small piece of haddock.
Over the next few days, I tried all the different proteins. Some go down easy and others seem to find their way back up just a few minutes after I get them down. All I seem to be able to keep down is milk and cheese. Yogurt tastes worse than I remember. One day I kept down a scallop but the next day it didn't like me as much. Its frustrating trying to figure out what to eat to meet my protein goals. I can't even come close to my 80g of protein a day. On a good day I can get in and keep down approximately 30g of protein. That means, I am not even hitting the half way point.
Part of me just wants to walk into the surgeon's office and tell him to put it all back the way it used to be. I know he won't. I know he really can't. I just feel like a failure at this. You'd think that with such a small list of things to eat that it would be easy to just eat every couple of hours and hit my goals daily. I just can't seem to do it. Part of me thinks its worse because I have to do this all alone and no one in my world has any idea what its like. People ask me how I am doing and its just easier to say that everything is fine. If I say anything else, they feel bad for me and try to say things to make me feel better and it just gets awkward.
I wanted to wait to post again on the blog until I had something good to talk about but I am not sure when that might be. I am currently drinking mostly milk and occasionally some corn chowder strained of all the chunks. I can't even keep down my vitamins. I barely have enough energy to get out of bed and after just 4 hours of watching TV, I am ready for a nap.
I met with the nutritionist on Wednesday and have been told I need a break from food. She thinks my stomach is just irritated and therefore any food with make me sick even if I previously could keep it down. So, she gave me an ok to take a 3-5 day break from my vitamins as long as I keep taking my medications. I am not allowed to put anything in my mouth that I have to chew. On top of all this, I only lost 1 pound this week. Mostly because all I have done is sit on the couch for the last few days.
She did say I can have fat-free, sugar-free pudding as long as I put protein powder in it. So, I just got done making that. Its in the fridge right now setting up. Hopefully it will taste good. With my taste buds changing, lots of things have been tasting really bad that I used to like. The hard part is that a lot of the things I can have only have 7-8g of protein in them so I have to have 10 servings a day to hit my goal. On top of that, I need to get in 64 oz of fluids. At least with the milk I can count 8oz toward liquid and 8g of protein toward my goal but there is only so much milk that a person can drink before going insane.
I guess this means I am starting over. I mean, I might as well be. I have to go back to liquids only for at least 5 days and then try more slowly this time to try introducing other proteins back in. I have decided to do better about posting, even if what I have to say isn't exactly delightful. This was supposed to be a journal for me as much as it is for other people. I am going to try to be more real about it.
Well, I am more than ready for my nap so I am going to end here. Later tonight, I will try to get my husband to take more pictures tonight so I can post them tomorrow. I don't think I have changed too much but some people say I have. I'll leave that up for you all to decide.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Hospital Stay
*****I thought I posted this a few days ago. I apologize for not having done that. I know its been awhile since I posted.*****
Shortly after I came home from the hospital, my niece told me a story about when I came out of the recovery room on surgery day. Apparently, I woke up shortly after they settled me into my room and was asking for "The But-ton". My husband chimed in at this point in the story to explain that I made sure to pronounce the word button very clearly so that everyone understood me. My mother thought I needed the nurse and couldn't find the call button. My husband thought maybe I meant my pain button and put it in my hand. I quickly pushed the button and dozed back off to sleep. I don't remember being in any pain but apparently I had a NEED for morphine. :-)
I do remember needing a little pain relief overnight that night but after that I stopped using it. As the meds starting coming out of my system, I slept less and became more aware of my surroundings. I was able to interact with the nurses and CNAs as well as start getting to know my roommate.
She was an older woman who lived in a nursing home before coming to the hospital. A few months ago she had a stroke so she struggled with talking and wasn't really able to do much for herself. Unfortunately, the Sunday before I arrived, she had fallen out of her wheelchair trying to get to the pull string to get help in her room at the nursing home. She had broken her arm and gotten a major bump on her head. The first time I saw her, I almost gasped. It was a good thing she was sleeping. Her appearance improved daily and by the time I left the hospital she seemed to be in good spirits and looked pretty good.
Much to my dismay, the nurses kept forgetting to give her back her call button after the moved her. So, every couple hours she would call out for help and I would have to push my button and then explain to the nurse that came in that my roommate needed help. I didn't mind helping her; it was just frustrating that the nurses couldn't remember something so simple.
I also felt a little bit bad that my roommate only had one visitor the whole time I was there. It reminded me how lucky I was to have someone there every day and sometimes more than once a day. I got lots of flowers and magazines and stuffed animals and was surrounded by love.
Each day at the hospital I was allowed to get up and around a little more. It felt good to be able to help my roommate once I could get in and out of bed by myself. Sometimes when a doctor would come in and talk to her, they would move her TV away from her. Then they would leave and she would be laying there bored. For awhile, everytime I walked by to use the bathroom she would ask me to put it back. I just got in the habit of checking it and asking her if she needed anything else. I would give her back her call button and make sure she was all set.
When the shifts of nurses would change, they would come around and meet everyone. She had a hard time telling them her specific needs. I thought for sure that something like that would be in her chart but no one ever seemed to know. She couldn't feed herself. She needed help getting on a bed pan. She can't swallow pills so they have to put it in applesauce. She loves blueberry muffins for breakfast. :-)
I left her my biggest bouquet of flowers because she deserved to have some beauty on her side of the room. Even though we talked very little, I know she was a wonderful and sweet woman and deserved nothing but beauty and kindnessI worried about her when I left. I wasn't sure anyone would take care of her the way she needed because she had a hard time with communication. The afternoon I was discharged they called me at home to see how my stay was. I made sure to tell them about how the nurses never seemed to know anything about the patients and how that would be a problem every time the nurses changed shifts. It caused some problems for me a few times but it caused way more problems for her. They reassured me that they would look into her specific case but also into how things were handled because changing shifts was supposed to be seamless.
I hope that she is continuing to get better and that she has had more visitors. Most of all, I hope that the nurses got better about meeting her needs. The last day I was there, I heard one of the physical therapists say that she would be there for a few months. They didn't think she could handle surgery at her age and so her arm had only been splinted so they couldn't risk sending her home and having there be a problem with her arm not setting correctly. I think about her at night when I am waiting to fall asleep. I can almost hear her voice saying, "Please. Can you please help me? I need help."
I think that maybe next week I will call the hospital and see if she is still there. If she is, maybe I'll go visit and bring her some more flowers. I would really just like to know she is doing ok. My heart aches for her. How come when people age we stop paying attention to them. Our parents help us our entire lives and when they get to the point in their lives when they need help, we abandon them. Shame on those people who so easily throw their family and especially their parents aside.
Family is so very important to me and I can't imagine ever giving up on them. My brothers are a bunch of dorks that hardly ever do anything with or for our family but if they called me, i would help because they are still family. I try to help my sisters with their kids as often as I can and I talk to my mother 6+ times a day on the phone.
I would never make it through this process without my family. Plus, so many of my husbands family have called or sent cards or e-mailed me and I appreciate it all. I just wish that everyone in the world could experience all the love that I have in my life...
Shortly after I came home from the hospital, my niece told me a story about when I came out of the recovery room on surgery day. Apparently, I woke up shortly after they settled me into my room and was asking for "The But-ton". My husband chimed in at this point in the story to explain that I made sure to pronounce the word button very clearly so that everyone understood me. My mother thought I needed the nurse and couldn't find the call button. My husband thought maybe I meant my pain button and put it in my hand. I quickly pushed the button and dozed back off to sleep. I don't remember being in any pain but apparently I had a NEED for morphine. :-)
I do remember needing a little pain relief overnight that night but after that I stopped using it. As the meds starting coming out of my system, I slept less and became more aware of my surroundings. I was able to interact with the nurses and CNAs as well as start getting to know my roommate.
She was an older woman who lived in a nursing home before coming to the hospital. A few months ago she had a stroke so she struggled with talking and wasn't really able to do much for herself. Unfortunately, the Sunday before I arrived, she had fallen out of her wheelchair trying to get to the pull string to get help in her room at the nursing home. She had broken her arm and gotten a major bump on her head. The first time I saw her, I almost gasped. It was a good thing she was sleeping. Her appearance improved daily and by the time I left the hospital she seemed to be in good spirits and looked pretty good.
Much to my dismay, the nurses kept forgetting to give her back her call button after the moved her. So, every couple hours she would call out for help and I would have to push my button and then explain to the nurse that came in that my roommate needed help. I didn't mind helping her; it was just frustrating that the nurses couldn't remember something so simple.
I also felt a little bit bad that my roommate only had one visitor the whole time I was there. It reminded me how lucky I was to have someone there every day and sometimes more than once a day. I got lots of flowers and magazines and stuffed animals and was surrounded by love.
Each day at the hospital I was allowed to get up and around a little more. It felt good to be able to help my roommate once I could get in and out of bed by myself. Sometimes when a doctor would come in and talk to her, they would move her TV away from her. Then they would leave and she would be laying there bored. For awhile, everytime I walked by to use the bathroom she would ask me to put it back. I just got in the habit of checking it and asking her if she needed anything else. I would give her back her call button and make sure she was all set.
When the shifts of nurses would change, they would come around and meet everyone. She had a hard time telling them her specific needs. I thought for sure that something like that would be in her chart but no one ever seemed to know. She couldn't feed herself. She needed help getting on a bed pan. She can't swallow pills so they have to put it in applesauce. She loves blueberry muffins for breakfast. :-)
I left her my biggest bouquet of flowers because she deserved to have some beauty on her side of the room. Even though we talked very little, I know she was a wonderful and sweet woman and deserved nothing but beauty and kindnessI worried about her when I left. I wasn't sure anyone would take care of her the way she needed because she had a hard time with communication. The afternoon I was discharged they called me at home to see how my stay was. I made sure to tell them about how the nurses never seemed to know anything about the patients and how that would be a problem every time the nurses changed shifts. It caused some problems for me a few times but it caused way more problems for her. They reassured me that they would look into her specific case but also into how things were handled because changing shifts was supposed to be seamless.
I hope that she is continuing to get better and that she has had more visitors. Most of all, I hope that the nurses got better about meeting her needs. The last day I was there, I heard one of the physical therapists say that she would be there for a few months. They didn't think she could handle surgery at her age and so her arm had only been splinted so they couldn't risk sending her home and having there be a problem with her arm not setting correctly. I think about her at night when I am waiting to fall asleep. I can almost hear her voice saying, "Please. Can you please help me? I need help."
I think that maybe next week I will call the hospital and see if she is still there. If she is, maybe I'll go visit and bring her some more flowers. I would really just like to know she is doing ok. My heart aches for her. How come when people age we stop paying attention to them. Our parents help us our entire lives and when they get to the point in their lives when they need help, we abandon them. Shame on those people who so easily throw their family and especially their parents aside.
Family is so very important to me and I can't imagine ever giving up on them. My brothers are a bunch of dorks that hardly ever do anything with or for our family but if they called me, i would help because they are still family. I try to help my sisters with their kids as often as I can and I talk to my mother 6+ times a day on the phone.
I would never make it through this process without my family. Plus, so many of my husbands family have called or sent cards or e-mailed me and I appreciate it all. I just wish that everyone in the world could experience all the love that I have in my life...
Monday, August 9, 2010
A Week Since Surgery
I kept meaning to write last week when I got home from the hospital but I just couldn't seem to find the time. I had work to do and my niece came to visit. Things are finally slowing down a bit. I relaxed in front of the TV with my wonderful husband earlier today and it felt sooo good to just sit still. :-) After a short nap and some computer play, we are back in front of the TV. So, here I am finally updating everyone.
Surgery went well. In fact, it took less time than they estimated. I spent Monday evening pretty out of it on Morphine. I don't really even remember much of it. I know that people were there and they came and went, my mom, my niece and my mother-in-law Dale. I am pretty sure I missed some great conversation with my in-laws because every time I woke up I heard my husband chuckling about something.
Tuesday morning, they put me in a wheel chair and brought me down to radiology for an esophagram. I got sick to my stomach on the way down. We had to stop outside the elevator so someone could get me a bucket. I was able to keep it together and we continued down. The liquid they made me drink didn't go as well. I had to swallow 3 times before they got enough x-rays and the last few x-rays were taken while I threw up in a bucket. It was very gross going down and even worse coming back up. Plus, I still wasn't okayed to have anything to drink so I had that taste in my mouth for a long time.
Back in my bed, I dozed in and out for awhile. A few hours later a nurse came in with a cup full of water and some little medicine cups. She explained that I was okayed for water and that I needed to drink 1oz every fifteen minutes. Plus, I needed to make the 1oz last for fifteen minutes. It took my awhile to get the hang of it and anytime I took too big a drink I could tell. I would get this tight feeling in my chest just above my stomach. I'd have to stop sipping and wait for it to go down. The nurse explained to me later that it was because of the swelling in my stomach. She said it would get better over time and it did.
My sister Amy and my niece Krista came in the afternoon and brought me some magazines. I flipped through them for awhile after they left but was too tired to read. Walter came by after work and brought me a book and little giraffe because I love that new Geico commercial with the mini giraffe. My father-in-law stopped by again that night. I think I stayed away for the whole visit this time. :-) However, I didn't stay awake the whole time Walter was visiting. There is something soothing about my husband being there that just made me fall fast asleep.
On Wednesday, at 6am they removed my IVs and my catheter and after Dr Trieu stopped by to see me, I was okayed to start having other liquids. So at around 11am on Wednesday, I had 1oz of chicken broth and 1 oz of orange sugar-free jello. Ugh. It was gross. I hate Jello and I hate soup(and therefore broth) but that it all I could have. I didn't have any visitors during the day and it was a long day. My whole body hurt because I couldn't do very much and there are only so many ways you can sit in a chair or lay in a bed. I just wanted to go home. After having a late lunch/early dinner of vegetable broth and orange jello I really wanted to go home. Did I mention I really hate Jello?
That night my ex-boss Hildy stopped by. I really enjoy spending time with her. Its always a good time. We had some good laughs and she brought me a beautiful potted arrangement that she put together at home. It now sits on my front step and looks fabulous. It greets me every time I come home. My husband came by after work again and stayed until I couldn't stay awake. Then he rubbed my back and kissed me goodnight as I fell asleep. It was the perfect ending to a long day.
Thankfully on Thursday morning I had red jello instead of orange or I might have quit eating all together. LOL. It was back to chicken broth though. The vegetable broth the night before was just gross. I just wanted to go home. I knew that once I got home I could start having protein shakes and flavored waters and even sugar-free Popsicles. At around 9am Dr Trieu came in and asked me a bunch of questions. I guess I answered them all right because he said I could go home. YEAH! Now I just had to find someone to come get me. LOL. Walter wasn't getting out of work until 2pm. I certainly wasn't waiting at the hospital all day.
My mom was able to come get me an hour or so later. She thought Walter would want to be the one to come get me. I am sure that he would have liked to be there but more than anything I think he just wanted me to come home. It was tough riding in the car because every bump or abrupt stop jarred my belly. My seven incisions hated every minute of the giggling ride to my mothers and the idea of getting back into the car to go home with Walter didn't seem very appealing. However, I wanted to go home and climb into our bed together and just cuddle while I fell asleep. I needed a good nights sleep and I knew that being at home with my husband would help me to get it.
Things have just been getting better and better as the days go past. I have been able to drink more water as well as more protein shakes. I have a lot less discomfort if I take a drink bigger than a sip. I try hard not to but its a habit that it hard to break. Its been tough remembering to take my pills every morning but I have been doing. Breaking open capsules and splitting tablets is hard to do without making a mess. Hopefully I will get better at it because it will be awhile before I can swallow something whole.
Today I broke down and bought a pill tray. Starting next week I am going to need be taking a lot of vitamins on top of what I take now so I decided the best way to do it was with a pill tray. It has 4 slots for each day and has 7 days in it. The neat thing is that I can take an individual day out if I need to take it with me somewhere. Because I have so many vitamins, I have to take them throughout the day and not all at once so I will probably always need to take them with me. This pill tray should help me stay on top of things so I don't forget.
Well, I better get off to bed. I have work in the morning. I will try to write again soon. I want to tell a few more exciting hospital stories. :-) I had a great roommate and a few great nurses. I also have a story about a real mean one but that will have to wait. Its getting very, very late!
Surgery went well. In fact, it took less time than they estimated. I spent Monday evening pretty out of it on Morphine. I don't really even remember much of it. I know that people were there and they came and went, my mom, my niece and my mother-in-law Dale. I am pretty sure I missed some great conversation with my in-laws because every time I woke up I heard my husband chuckling about something.
Tuesday morning, they put me in a wheel chair and brought me down to radiology for an esophagram. I got sick to my stomach on the way down. We had to stop outside the elevator so someone could get me a bucket. I was able to keep it together and we continued down. The liquid they made me drink didn't go as well. I had to swallow 3 times before they got enough x-rays and the last few x-rays were taken while I threw up in a bucket. It was very gross going down and even worse coming back up. Plus, I still wasn't okayed to have anything to drink so I had that taste in my mouth for a long time.
Back in my bed, I dozed in and out for awhile. A few hours later a nurse came in with a cup full of water and some little medicine cups. She explained that I was okayed for water and that I needed to drink 1oz every fifteen minutes. Plus, I needed to make the 1oz last for fifteen minutes. It took my awhile to get the hang of it and anytime I took too big a drink I could tell. I would get this tight feeling in my chest just above my stomach. I'd have to stop sipping and wait for it to go down. The nurse explained to me later that it was because of the swelling in my stomach. She said it would get better over time and it did.
My sister Amy and my niece Krista came in the afternoon and brought me some magazines. I flipped through them for awhile after they left but was too tired to read. Walter came by after work and brought me a book and little giraffe because I love that new Geico commercial with the mini giraffe. My father-in-law stopped by again that night. I think I stayed away for the whole visit this time. :-) However, I didn't stay awake the whole time Walter was visiting. There is something soothing about my husband being there that just made me fall fast asleep.
On Wednesday, at 6am they removed my IVs and my catheter and after Dr Trieu stopped by to see me, I was okayed to start having other liquids. So at around 11am on Wednesday, I had 1oz of chicken broth and 1 oz of orange sugar-free jello. Ugh. It was gross. I hate Jello and I hate soup(and therefore broth) but that it all I could have. I didn't have any visitors during the day and it was a long day. My whole body hurt because I couldn't do very much and there are only so many ways you can sit in a chair or lay in a bed. I just wanted to go home. After having a late lunch/early dinner of vegetable broth and orange jello I really wanted to go home. Did I mention I really hate Jello?
That night my ex-boss Hildy stopped by. I really enjoy spending time with her. Its always a good time. We had some good laughs and she brought me a beautiful potted arrangement that she put together at home. It now sits on my front step and looks fabulous. It greets me every time I come home. My husband came by after work again and stayed until I couldn't stay awake. Then he rubbed my back and kissed me goodnight as I fell asleep. It was the perfect ending to a long day.
Thankfully on Thursday morning I had red jello instead of orange or I might have quit eating all together. LOL. It was back to chicken broth though. The vegetable broth the night before was just gross. I just wanted to go home. I knew that once I got home I could start having protein shakes and flavored waters and even sugar-free Popsicles. At around 9am Dr Trieu came in and asked me a bunch of questions. I guess I answered them all right because he said I could go home. YEAH! Now I just had to find someone to come get me. LOL. Walter wasn't getting out of work until 2pm. I certainly wasn't waiting at the hospital all day.
My mom was able to come get me an hour or so later. She thought Walter would want to be the one to come get me. I am sure that he would have liked to be there but more than anything I think he just wanted me to come home. It was tough riding in the car because every bump or abrupt stop jarred my belly. My seven incisions hated every minute of the giggling ride to my mothers and the idea of getting back into the car to go home with Walter didn't seem very appealing. However, I wanted to go home and climb into our bed together and just cuddle while I fell asleep. I needed a good nights sleep and I knew that being at home with my husband would help me to get it.
Things have just been getting better and better as the days go past. I have been able to drink more water as well as more protein shakes. I have a lot less discomfort if I take a drink bigger than a sip. I try hard not to but its a habit that it hard to break. Its been tough remembering to take my pills every morning but I have been doing. Breaking open capsules and splitting tablets is hard to do without making a mess. Hopefully I will get better at it because it will be awhile before I can swallow something whole.
Today I broke down and bought a pill tray. Starting next week I am going to need be taking a lot of vitamins on top of what I take now so I decided the best way to do it was with a pill tray. It has 4 slots for each day and has 7 days in it. The neat thing is that I can take an individual day out if I need to take it with me somewhere. Because I have so many vitamins, I have to take them throughout the day and not all at once so I will probably always need to take them with me. This pill tray should help me stay on top of things so I don't forget.
Well, I better get off to bed. I have work in the morning. I will try to write again soon. I want to tell a few more exciting hospital stories. :-) I had a great roommate and a few great nurses. I also have a story about a real mean one but that will have to wait. Its getting very, very late!
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Almost Here
Everything is packed and next to the front door. My last weigh-in showed I hadn't lost any more weight but that was this afternoon after I had several bottles of water.
I am thankful that I had a ton of work to do today. It helped to keep my mind off my growling stomach. Now that things have slowed down and I am getting ready for bed, my stomach is reminding me that I haven't had anything but water all day. I am sure tomorrow morning will be even worse because I can't even have anything to drink after midnight.
In less than twelve hours, I will be at the hospital. I am not sure exactly how long after I arrive that surgery will occur but I am sure there will be a bit of a wait. They will have me change into a gown that's too small. They will hook me up to an IV and give me so much fluid that I will have to pee atleast twice before surgery. :-) Then I will talk to nurses and doctors and anesthesiologists. I'll have to sign some stuff and answer the same questions over and over. Then they will pump my veins full of drugs and I will be out like a light.
Sounds easy enough. I can handle that. I just feel bad for everyone that has to sit around and wait for me to come out. I'm lucky enough to get to sleep through it.
I will make sure to post an update as soon as I get home. That will either be Wednesday or Thursday, depending on how things go. I took another set of pictures last night but I don't see much of a difference yet. I will post more next Sunday.
I am thankful that I had a ton of work to do today. It helped to keep my mind off my growling stomach. Now that things have slowed down and I am getting ready for bed, my stomach is reminding me that I haven't had anything but water all day. I am sure tomorrow morning will be even worse because I can't even have anything to drink after midnight.
In less than twelve hours, I will be at the hospital. I am not sure exactly how long after I arrive that surgery will occur but I am sure there will be a bit of a wait. They will have me change into a gown that's too small. They will hook me up to an IV and give me so much fluid that I will have to pee atleast twice before surgery. :-) Then I will talk to nurses and doctors and anesthesiologists. I'll have to sign some stuff and answer the same questions over and over. Then they will pump my veins full of drugs and I will be out like a light.
Sounds easy enough. I can handle that. I just feel bad for everyone that has to sit around and wait for me to come out. I'm lucky enough to get to sleep through it.
I will make sure to post an update as soon as I get home. That will either be Wednesday or Thursday, depending on how things go. I took another set of pictures last night but I don't see much of a difference yet. I will post more next Sunday.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Its Getting Weird...
Another day and another pound down. Woot! Woot!
Saturday. Sunday. Monday. WOW. Oh my goodness. Surgery day is almost here! Woot! I know its a little weird to be excited about surgery but this has been a long time coming. Once I make a decision about something, I like for it to happen NOW. Going through this process has definitely been a lesson in patience. :-)
I just finished my third shake of the day which means I have one more to go. Add that to the four I have to drink tomorrow and it puts me just 5 protein shakes away from surgery. Sunday should be quite a challenge. Clear liquids only. No protein shakes. I am just happy that its only one day.
They called today to let me know I need to be at the hospital at 9am. Very happy its not 6am because I am not a morning person and VERY VERY happy its not in the afternoon cause I can't have anything to drink after midnight on Sunday. I am not sure how long I will have to wait for the surgery to start after arriving at the hospital but it will give me more time to practice my patience.
I packed my bag for the hospital already. I can't really have anything with me that day but I know I will want to have a hair brush, tooth brush, etc on Tuesday and Wednesday. I also packed a book and am trying to think of a few other things to keep me busy on Tuesday and Wednesday.
Walter is taking a half days all week so he can be with me as much as possible. He has Monday off already so he'll be there for that. I have to remind him to pick out a good book for his Ipod so he has something to listen to while he waits and while he is driving back and forth. I keep trying to get him to go do some shopping while I am in surgery because we need a few things but he doesn't want to leave the hospital. That is so sweet but I feel bad that he has to just sit around and wait. I guess that it is good that he has more patience than I do.
My niece says she is coming to visit when I come home from surgery. She wants to take care of me. That is so sweet. It will be nice to have someone around while Walter is at work in the mornings. Although, I might just spend most of the morning sleep if I can. I have been working so much I feel like I barely sleep anymore.
I guess I better get back to work. I am almost done for the week so I am hoping I can spend some time with my loving husband tonight when he gets home from work.
Saturday. Sunday. Monday. WOW. Oh my goodness. Surgery day is almost here! Woot! I know its a little weird to be excited about surgery but this has been a long time coming. Once I make a decision about something, I like for it to happen NOW. Going through this process has definitely been a lesson in patience. :-)
I just finished my third shake of the day which means I have one more to go. Add that to the four I have to drink tomorrow and it puts me just 5 protein shakes away from surgery. Sunday should be quite a challenge. Clear liquids only. No protein shakes. I am just happy that its only one day.
They called today to let me know I need to be at the hospital at 9am. Very happy its not 6am because I am not a morning person and VERY VERY happy its not in the afternoon cause I can't have anything to drink after midnight on Sunday. I am not sure how long I will have to wait for the surgery to start after arriving at the hospital but it will give me more time to practice my patience.
I packed my bag for the hospital already. I can't really have anything with me that day but I know I will want to have a hair brush, tooth brush, etc on Tuesday and Wednesday. I also packed a book and am trying to think of a few other things to keep me busy on Tuesday and Wednesday.
Walter is taking a half days all week so he can be with me as much as possible. He has Monday off already so he'll be there for that. I have to remind him to pick out a good book for his Ipod so he has something to listen to while he waits and while he is driving back and forth. I keep trying to get him to go do some shopping while I am in surgery because we need a few things but he doesn't want to leave the hospital. That is so sweet but I feel bad that he has to just sit around and wait. I guess that it is good that he has more patience than I do.
My niece says she is coming to visit when I come home from surgery. She wants to take care of me. That is so sweet. It will be nice to have someone around while Walter is at work in the mornings. Although, I might just spend most of the morning sleep if I can. I have been working so much I feel like I barely sleep anymore.
I guess I better get back to work. I am almost done for the week so I am hoping I can spend some time with my loving husband tonight when he gets home from work.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Another Day, Another Pound
I'm getting so excited. The day is almost here. Plus, I keep waking up to see the numbers go down on the scale. I can't wait to be able to notice the changes in my body. They will come soon enough!
I decided to plan a little something special for myself before the surgery. Balance Hair and Body, where I got all my wedding pampering done, posted a special on their facebook page and I decided to jump on it. So, tomorrow afternoon, I will be enjoying a heavenly facial. I've only had one before but it was fabulous and I know this one will be too. Its so relaxing and I just can't wait.
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Its a good day!
I decided to plan a little something special for myself before the surgery. Balance Hair and Body, where I got all my wedding pampering done, posted a special on their facebook page and I decided to jump on it. So, tomorrow afternoon, I will be enjoying a heavenly facial. I've only had one before but it was fabulous and I know this one will be too. Its so relaxing and I just can't wait.
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Its a good day!
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Day 9 - Hunger Sets In
I am now into my second week of my pre-op diet and its finally driving me crazy. All last week I missed eating, especially when I was bored, but I never really felt hungry. The shakes were enough to keep me feeling full. Somewhere between day 7 and 8, I pretty much lost my mind and almost murdered my husband for an egg roll. Then last night I just couldn't seem to make the hunger pains go away. I drank a shake. For awhile, I sipped on a flavored water. Then I had a sugar-free popsicle. Then I had another suger-free popsicle. Then thirty minutes later I had another shake. The hunger just wouldn't go away.
Through this experience, I learned a very important lesson about the difference between mental hunger and physical hunger. I struggled with the mental hunger all week but when the physical hunger kicked in yesterday I just couldn't take it. My stomach growled and churned and finally got so bad I felt sick to my stomach. Even another popsicle didn't make me feel better. As I laid in bed last night, all I could think about was my empty stomach. I awoke in the night several times because it felt like my stomach was burning a hole through itself trying to find something to eat.
After six restless hours, I got up and went to work. First shakes of the day in hand. An hour later when I could have some water I did. Thirty minutes later my stomach was growling at me. Ugh. I tried a popsicle when I got home an hour ago but it only helps for 20 minutes or so. Its finally time for my second shake so I am sipping away as I type. I am trying to drink this one slower to drag it out a bit. I can't take too long though or I won't get enough other liquids in to hit my other goals.
Although this is getting harder and harder for me, I know that once I have my surgery it will be easier. Atleast then I won't have the physical hunger to deal with. I am feeling like I have a better handle on the mental cravings for food. On Sunday, Walter and I went to my sisters for my mother's birthday. There was cheese and crackers, veggies and dip, three kinds of chips, grilled chicken sandwiches, cookies and cake. I sat out by the pool, drank my shake and watched the kids play. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.
It feels good to be on the winning side of the mental game and as soon as I have the sugery I know I will start winning the phsyical game as well. The countdown continues and I am getting so excited. Its almost here!
I stepped on the scale this morning and was down another 2 pounds. Yeah!
Through this experience, I learned a very important lesson about the difference between mental hunger and physical hunger. I struggled with the mental hunger all week but when the physical hunger kicked in yesterday I just couldn't take it. My stomach growled and churned and finally got so bad I felt sick to my stomach. Even another popsicle didn't make me feel better. As I laid in bed last night, all I could think about was my empty stomach. I awoke in the night several times because it felt like my stomach was burning a hole through itself trying to find something to eat.
After six restless hours, I got up and went to work. First shakes of the day in hand. An hour later when I could have some water I did. Thirty minutes later my stomach was growling at me. Ugh. I tried a popsicle when I got home an hour ago but it only helps for 20 minutes or so. Its finally time for my second shake so I am sipping away as I type. I am trying to drink this one slower to drag it out a bit. I can't take too long though or I won't get enough other liquids in to hit my other goals.
Although this is getting harder and harder for me, I know that once I have my surgery it will be easier. Atleast then I won't have the physical hunger to deal with. I am feeling like I have a better handle on the mental cravings for food. On Sunday, Walter and I went to my sisters for my mother's birthday. There was cheese and crackers, veggies and dip, three kinds of chips, grilled chicken sandwiches, cookies and cake. I sat out by the pool, drank my shake and watched the kids play. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.
It feels good to be on the winning side of the mental game and as soon as I have the sugery I know I will start winning the phsyical game as well. The countdown continues and I am getting so excited. Its almost here!
I stepped on the scale this morning and was down another 2 pounds. Yeah!
Friday, July 23, 2010
Day 5 - Liquid Diet
My esophago-gastro-duodenoscopy (EGD) went well on Tuesday. I don't remember it so as far as I am concerned everything went as planned. :-) They had to remove a polyp from my esophagus and they sent it off to the lab to be checked. The doctor said that they usually aren't any problem but I can get the results in another week. They also discovered that I have a hietal hernia. Its not really a big deal as far as the surgery goes. He said that if the surgeon thinks it will be a problem he will just fix it while he is in there.
As I am drinking the last of my protein shake for the day, I'm thinking that the next 8 days are going to be very long. I miss food. It seems like everything is a reminder of what I won't be able to have for weeks to come. Driving down the road, on my way to meet with my assistants, I drive by dozens of fast food places and convenience stores advertising yummy things to eat. While watching TV with my husband, it seems like every commercial is for food and every show we watch seems to be about food. While playing on Facebook, I play games like Cafe World and Restaurant City. Games like Farmville and Frontierville and base most of the playing around food. Planting food, harvesting food, collecting food, eating food to gain more energy. FOOD. FOOD. Food is everywhere.
Today, I was going through the binder that I was given at the Bariatric center when I first started this process and noticed that I had misremembered the amount of protein I am supposed to be eating so I have to find a way to get in another 20g of protein every day. I broke down and bought some Super Whey Protein shots. Also, my husband just reminded me that we have some Isopure Zero Carb waters left as well.
I think I will have to start trying to get some of these fruity flavored drinks in as well because I can't imagine having to drink another protein shake. Having to drink 3 every day is already a challenge. Its not that I am too full to drink them but I am just so bored with them. If I could having anything right now it would probably be a bacon cheese burger with lettuce and tomato and fries on the side and a big slice of turtle cheesecake to top it all off. Hmmmm. Sounds heavenly. :-) To bad its what got me into this trouble in the first place.
Since I have been on the liquid diet, I have been weighing myself every day. I was so sure that I would lose a whole bunch of weight this week because I am not consuming very many calories but apparently by body isn't ready to let go.
So, I gained 10 pounds during my week long farewell to desserts. The next week I got a surprise extra week of food because they changed my surgery date and although I didn't gain any weight, I didn't lose any either. Now I'm into my liquid diet and I've only lost 5 pounds. I haven't even gotten back to my starting weight yet. Ugh.
I have been reminding myself every day that this is why I am having the surgery. Weight loss shouldn't be this difficult. I know I am supposed to be happy to lose any weight but I guess that at this point I have been waiting so long for this that it seems like its not happening fast enough. Be patient, Amity. Be patient, Amity. Be patient, Amity. I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying.
So, the countdown really begins. Surgery is on August 2nd. Wow. That's a little over a week away. I am so excited!
As I am drinking the last of my protein shake for the day, I'm thinking that the next 8 days are going to be very long. I miss food. It seems like everything is a reminder of what I won't be able to have for weeks to come. Driving down the road, on my way to meet with my assistants, I drive by dozens of fast food places and convenience stores advertising yummy things to eat. While watching TV with my husband, it seems like every commercial is for food and every show we watch seems to be about food. While playing on Facebook, I play games like Cafe World and Restaurant City. Games like Farmville and Frontierville and base most of the playing around food. Planting food, harvesting food, collecting food, eating food to gain more energy. FOOD. FOOD. Food is everywhere.
Today, I was going through the binder that I was given at the Bariatric center when I first started this process and noticed that I had misremembered the amount of protein I am supposed to be eating so I have to find a way to get in another 20g of protein every day. I broke down and bought some Super Whey Protein shots. Also, my husband just reminded me that we have some Isopure Zero Carb waters left as well.
I think I will have to start trying to get some of these fruity flavored drinks in as well because I can't imagine having to drink another protein shake. Having to drink 3 every day is already a challenge. Its not that I am too full to drink them but I am just so bored with them. If I could having anything right now it would probably be a bacon cheese burger with lettuce and tomato and fries on the side and a big slice of turtle cheesecake to top it all off. Hmmmm. Sounds heavenly. :-) To bad its what got me into this trouble in the first place.
Since I have been on the liquid diet, I have been weighing myself every day. I was so sure that I would lose a whole bunch of weight this week because I am not consuming very many calories but apparently by body isn't ready to let go.
So, I gained 10 pounds during my week long farewell to desserts. The next week I got a surprise extra week of food because they changed my surgery date and although I didn't gain any weight, I didn't lose any either. Now I'm into my liquid diet and I've only lost 5 pounds. I haven't even gotten back to my starting weight yet. Ugh.
I have been reminding myself every day that this is why I am having the surgery. Weight loss shouldn't be this difficult. I know I am supposed to be happy to lose any weight but I guess that at this point I have been waiting so long for this that it seems like its not happening fast enough. Be patient, Amity. Be patient, Amity. Be patient, Amity. I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying.
So, the countdown really begins. Surgery is on August 2nd. Wow. That's a little over a week away. I am so excited!
Monday, July 19, 2010
Day 1 - Liquid Diet
7:30 am
I open my first chocolate fudge Myoplex Lite of the day.
9:00 am
I open my first Zero Calorie "XXX" Vitamin Water.
1:00 pm
I open my second chocolate fudge Myoplex Lite of the day.
2:30 pm
I open my second Zero Calorie "XXX" Vitamin Water.
4:30 pm
I open my first plain Poland Springs water.
6:30 pm
I open my third chocolate fudge Myoplex Lite of the day.
9:00 pm
I drink my final drink of the day. Exactly 1 cup of 2% milk.
Today's Totals
33oz of protein shakes + 8 oz of milk = 68g Protein
40 oz flavored water + 16.9 oz plain water = 56.9 oz water
Friday, July 16, 2010
Thinking...
Most of my day is spent driving from my house to Winterport to meet with one of my assistants and then from her house to Orland to meet my other assistant. From there I usually have to meet with my manager in Ellsworth and then stop back in Orland and Winterport to drop off new work that I receive. Then after approximately 120 miles and 9-10 hours I arrive back at home. I am grateful I only have to do this 3 days week right now. I am sure that my back side would be seriously sore if I did it more often.
Surprisingly, I have been really enjoying these rides. The long ride gives me a lot of time to think about my upcoming surgery and what this change will mean for me during the rest of my life. It also gives me time to think about my past.
I remember that while growing up, I was always the kind of girl that thought I would have the perfect dream family. By the time I was 13, I had stopped wanting to be the President of the United States and had planned out my future family.
I was going to graduate from high school, fall in love, get married and have a dozen babies. We'd have a nice house with a big back yard and I'd be a stay at home mom. By the time I was 50, our kids would be all grown up. I'd get a part-time job to fill my days and we'd have the kids over every Sunday for family dinner. My husband and I would retired as young as possible, travel all over the place and just enjoy each other's company. We'd spend tons of time with our kids and hopefully by then our grand kids.
As I pictured this all in my mind, I always imaged myself overweight. It was just the image of myself that was ingrained in my mind. It never occurred to me that I could be anything else. It was just a given.
Now, less than a year from my 30th birthday, I find myself with only one part of that dream I had as a little girl. I have the best husband a girl could ever ask for. And much to my surprise, I am about to have something it never occurred to me to dream. I am going to have a chance at a slimmer, healthier version of me.
We will probably never have children. I will probably always have a job to help makes ends meet because with the economy the way it is, its almost impossible for one person to support a family. We probably won't retired early but if we work hard enough and save our extra pennies, we'll be part of the lucky few that can actually retire. Through all this, I will be a completely different version of me. I'll be slimmer and healthier and I am sure I'll be more active.
Even though nothing will be what I planned as a teenager, somehow I finely feel ok with that. Last year, if you asked me if I was ok with not having those childhood dreams come true, I would have broken down and cried my eyes out. Now, I know that life will never be what I planned back then. However, I do know that it will be ok. It will probably be a better than ok. But for now I am happy with just ok. Ok seems a thousands times better than how I felt back then.
I'm glad for the hours in the car that help me to have these realizations. Each time I have one, I feel lighter and happier. Several days this week, my husband told me that he thought I was glowing. That has to be a good thing! And I'll take as many good things as I can get!
Surprisingly, I have been really enjoying these rides. The long ride gives me a lot of time to think about my upcoming surgery and what this change will mean for me during the rest of my life. It also gives me time to think about my past.
I remember that while growing up, I was always the kind of girl that thought I would have the perfect dream family. By the time I was 13, I had stopped wanting to be the President of the United States and had planned out my future family.
I was going to graduate from high school, fall in love, get married and have a dozen babies. We'd have a nice house with a big back yard and I'd be a stay at home mom. By the time I was 50, our kids would be all grown up. I'd get a part-time job to fill my days and we'd have the kids over every Sunday for family dinner. My husband and I would retired as young as possible, travel all over the place and just enjoy each other's company. We'd spend tons of time with our kids and hopefully by then our grand kids.
As I pictured this all in my mind, I always imaged myself overweight. It was just the image of myself that was ingrained in my mind. It never occurred to me that I could be anything else. It was just a given.
Now, less than a year from my 30th birthday, I find myself with only one part of that dream I had as a little girl. I have the best husband a girl could ever ask for. And much to my surprise, I am about to have something it never occurred to me to dream. I am going to have a chance at a slimmer, healthier version of me.
We will probably never have children. I will probably always have a job to help makes ends meet because with the economy the way it is, its almost impossible for one person to support a family. We probably won't retired early but if we work hard enough and save our extra pennies, we'll be part of the lucky few that can actually retire. Through all this, I will be a completely different version of me. I'll be slimmer and healthier and I am sure I'll be more active.
Even though nothing will be what I planned as a teenager, somehow I finely feel ok with that. Last year, if you asked me if I was ok with not having those childhood dreams come true, I would have broken down and cried my eyes out. Now, I know that life will never be what I planned back then. However, I do know that it will be ok. It will probably be a better than ok. But for now I am happy with just ok. Ok seems a thousands times better than how I felt back then.
I'm glad for the hours in the car that help me to have these realizations. Each time I have one, I feel lighter and happier. Several days this week, my husband told me that he thought I was glowing. That has to be a good thing! And I'll take as many good things as I can get!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Scheduling
If you had asked me a few days ago what my blog would be about today, I would have told you that it would have been a very short list of what I can have on my liquid diet. However, yesterday morning I got a call from the Bariatric Center and they had to move my surgery. Now its not till August 2. That means, I have another whole week of solid food. I am tempted to have another week-long farewell to dessert but much to my surprise when I think about it, I am just about sick of dessert. I had so much sweet and yummy dessert last week that I gained 10 pounds and apparently my taste buds are just sick of it.
So, I am going to try and have all the different kinds of regular food I can't have for at least a year, So, last night we had pasta with Alfredo sauce and scallops. Mmmmm. Tonight we're going to have bourbon marinated salmon with 3-cheese rice and some sort of vegetable smothered in cheese (probably broccoli). Another night we'll have meatloaf with heavily seasoned baked potato bites all smothered in gravy. Double mmmmm. Pasta, rice, potatoes and even vegetables are not on the list of after surgery items. In fact, most things aren't on the list.
As I arrive at each phase of the pre- and post-surgery diets I will post a blog with the list of foods that I am allowed to eat. Maybe as the list grows you guys can help me to brain storm ideas on how to keep my food interesting. Well, I guess I better get some work done. Lots do get done before surgery.
So, I am going to try and have all the different kinds of regular food I can't have for at least a year, So, last night we had pasta with Alfredo sauce and scallops. Mmmmm. Tonight we're going to have bourbon marinated salmon with 3-cheese rice and some sort of vegetable smothered in cheese (probably broccoli). Another night we'll have meatloaf with heavily seasoned baked potato bites all smothered in gravy. Double mmmmm. Pasta, rice, potatoes and even vegetables are not on the list of after surgery items. In fact, most things aren't on the list.
As I arrive at each phase of the pre- and post-surgery diets I will post a blog with the list of foods that I am allowed to eat. Maybe as the list grows you guys can help me to brain storm ideas on how to keep my food interesting. Well, I guess I better get some work done. Lots do get done before surgery.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
My Week-Long Farewell to Dessert
I decided that when it comes to dessert that pictures are worth a thousand words. I didn't take any of these pictures myself. I found them all through google image search so I apologize for not having any kind of copyright information for these picutres.
The original plan was to go out to dinner one night and just order every dessert on the menu instead of having dinner but then I decided I would much rather eat dessert at home all week instead. Plus, Walter doesn't have as much of a sweet tooth as I do and he would never have made it through 4-5 desserts even if we shared. :-) So he just helped me to eat my way through these desserts all week.
Love you Walter and thanks for the help! I promise I won't make you eat any more desserts. I know we both put a few pounds back on this past week but it was worth it. I think I am totally caked-out. Atleast for now. :-)
Tomorrow starts the first 2 weeks of my liquid diet. I will blog more about that later this week when I am trying not to snack.
The original plan was to go out to dinner one night and just order every dessert on the menu instead of having dinner but then I decided I would much rather eat dessert at home all week instead. Plus, Walter doesn't have as much of a sweet tooth as I do and he would never have made it through 4-5 desserts even if we shared. :-) So he just helped me to eat my way through these desserts all week.
Love you Walter and thanks for the help! I promise I won't make you eat any more desserts. I know we both put a few pounds back on this past week but it was worth it. I think I am totally caked-out. Atleast for now. :-)
Tomorrow starts the first 2 weeks of my liquid diet. I will blog more about that later this week when I am trying not to snack.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
In the beginning...
Over a year ago, my husband and I attended a meeting about bariatric surgery. He had been thinking about it for some time and I wanted to know more. I thought that if he was thinking about having gastric bypass then I should know more about it. The seminar was very informative about both gastric bypass and the Lap Band procedure.
At the time, I really wasn't interested in either procedure for myself. The idea of permanently altering my insides (either by banding or bypass) seemed like too big of a step for me. I have dieted and exercised in the past and never had any luck but I guess I always just figured I was meant to be this way my whole life. The seminar did help me to realize why my husband wanted to have a bypass and it helped me to feel more at ease about him going through the process.
I tried to attend as many doctor's appointments and procedures as he would let me attend. I wanted to know everything about everything. I watched him go through the long process and throughout the entire journey, we talked about whether it would make sense for me. Nine months ago, I began the process but was still not sure I would ever be able to go through with it. I just knew that if I did, I wanted to do it soon after he did so we could make most of the journey together.
A few months ago, I decided that I wanted to have the bypass as well. I knew all that it entailed and I had been thinking about it for a long time. When Walter decided not to go through with his procedure, I wasn't sure what to do. I was so torn. I wanted to support him in his decision to try the healthy eating and exercise approach again but I knew that I had never been successful at it. He had been successful in the past but just had difficulty sticking to it. I wasn't sure I could truly be supportive if I chose a different method. How could we make the journey together if we were on two different roads?
After having met with a nutritionist several times over the course of several months, I knew that diet just wasn't going to work. No matter how little I ate and no matter how many of my favorite things I cut from my diet, I still couldn't lose weight.
I decided that to truly support one another we had to take the road that best fit each of us even if it put us on a different path. The important thing I needed to remember is that both roads lead to the same place. They lead to a more active lifestyle where we don't have to worry about fitting in an airplane seat or missing out on our nieces and nephews because we don't have the energy to play along. So, we talked it out and each of us made our decision to make our own way and to be there for each other no matter how different our journeys may be.
So, I completed the process and was approved by the insurance company. I had my final meeting with the surgeon and he gave me a surgery date. I had my meetings with the personal trainer to give me some easy strength training exercises I can do from home starting now and continuing on after surgery. I had my blood work done last Friday.
I begin my liquid only diet on July 12. On July 19, I have my pre-op appointment with the surgical nurse and the anesthesiologist. And lastly, on July 20, I will have my EGD (esophagogastroduodenoscopy). As long as everything looks good with all these tests, my surgery will take place on July 26, which happens to be my mom's birthday. When the surgeon gave me that date, I couldn't help but think that it was a good omen. My mom thinks so as well. I am so close and I am getting so very excited.
Walter helped me to take starting pictures of myself the other night. I will post those in the next few days. I probably won't take another set of pictures until the night before my surgery. However, after surgery I expect to post pictures at least once a week. We have set up a place to take the pictures every time and I have decided to wear the same clothes every time until they are just too big to stay on anymore.
I am going to end this blog posting here because I know its already too long. :-) I will write again soon. Perhaps a little posting about all the wonderful treats I have had this week on my week-long farewell to dessert...
At the time, I really wasn't interested in either procedure for myself. The idea of permanently altering my insides (either by banding or bypass) seemed like too big of a step for me. I have dieted and exercised in the past and never had any luck but I guess I always just figured I was meant to be this way my whole life. The seminar did help me to realize why my husband wanted to have a bypass and it helped me to feel more at ease about him going through the process.
I tried to attend as many doctor's appointments and procedures as he would let me attend. I wanted to know everything about everything. I watched him go through the long process and throughout the entire journey, we talked about whether it would make sense for me. Nine months ago, I began the process but was still not sure I would ever be able to go through with it. I just knew that if I did, I wanted to do it soon after he did so we could make most of the journey together.
A few months ago, I decided that I wanted to have the bypass as well. I knew all that it entailed and I had been thinking about it for a long time. When Walter decided not to go through with his procedure, I wasn't sure what to do. I was so torn. I wanted to support him in his decision to try the healthy eating and exercise approach again but I knew that I had never been successful at it. He had been successful in the past but just had difficulty sticking to it. I wasn't sure I could truly be supportive if I chose a different method. How could we make the journey together if we were on two different roads?
After having met with a nutritionist several times over the course of several months, I knew that diet just wasn't going to work. No matter how little I ate and no matter how many of my favorite things I cut from my diet, I still couldn't lose weight.
I decided that to truly support one another we had to take the road that best fit each of us even if it put us on a different path. The important thing I needed to remember is that both roads lead to the same place. They lead to a more active lifestyle where we don't have to worry about fitting in an airplane seat or missing out on our nieces and nephews because we don't have the energy to play along. So, we talked it out and each of us made our decision to make our own way and to be there for each other no matter how different our journeys may be.
So, I completed the process and was approved by the insurance company. I had my final meeting with the surgeon and he gave me a surgery date. I had my meetings with the personal trainer to give me some easy strength training exercises I can do from home starting now and continuing on after surgery. I had my blood work done last Friday.
I begin my liquid only diet on July 12. On July 19, I have my pre-op appointment with the surgical nurse and the anesthesiologist. And lastly, on July 20, I will have my EGD (esophagogastroduodenoscopy). As long as everything looks good with all these tests, my surgery will take place on July 26, which happens to be my mom's birthday. When the surgeon gave me that date, I couldn't help but think that it was a good omen. My mom thinks so as well. I am so close and I am getting so very excited.
Walter helped me to take starting pictures of myself the other night. I will post those in the next few days. I probably won't take another set of pictures until the night before my surgery. However, after surgery I expect to post pictures at least once a week. We have set up a place to take the pictures every time and I have decided to wear the same clothes every time until they are just too big to stay on anymore.
I am going to end this blog posting here because I know its already too long. :-) I will write again soon. Perhaps a little posting about all the wonderful treats I have had this week on my week-long farewell to dessert...
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