The Last Few Weeks

When I started this blog, I expected to write every week and sometimes even more than that. Just after my surgery I got so busy with work that I just couldn't find the time. Work ended about a week ago and since then I have just been exhausted. I am having hard time with the new diet and each day I seem more tired than the day before.

On August 12, I saw the surgeon for a follow-up and he said that I could start adding some soft proteins into my diet. I was excited to be able to have something other than protein shakes. On my way home, I stopped into the grocery store and started reading labels. The hardest part was finding cheese that has less than 2g of fat per serving. I had to go with reduced fat and non-fat cheeses. I also bought a few different types of yogurt. I was told multiple times that my taste buds would change with surgery. So, even though I have never liked yogurt, its a good source of protein and I figured it was worth trying. I also bought a few scallops and a small piece of haddock.

Over the next few days, I tried all the different proteins. Some go down easy and others seem to find their way back up just a few minutes after I get them down. All I seem to be able to keep down is milk and cheese. Yogurt tastes worse than I remember. One day I kept down a scallop but the next day it didn't like me as much. Its frustrating trying to figure out what to eat to meet my protein goals. I can't even come close to my 80g of protein a day. On a good day I can get in and keep down approximately 30g of protein. That means, I am not even hitting the half way point.

Part of me just wants to walk into the surgeon's office and tell him to put it all back the way it used to be. I know he won't. I know he really can't. I just feel like a failure at this. You'd think that with such a small list of things to eat that it would be easy to just eat every couple of hours and hit my goals daily. I just can't seem to do it. Part of me thinks its worse because I have to do this all alone and no one in my world has any idea what its like. People ask me how I am doing and its just easier to say that everything is fine. If I say anything else, they feel bad for me and try to say things to make me feel better and it just gets awkward.

I wanted to wait to post again on the blog until I had something good to talk about but I am not sure when that might be. I am currently drinking mostly milk and occasionally some corn chowder strained of all the chunks. I can't even keep down my vitamins. I barely have enough energy to get out of bed and after just 4 hours of watching TV, I am ready for a nap.

I met with the nutritionist on Wednesday and have been told I need a break from food. She thinks my stomach is just irritated and therefore any food with make me sick even if I previously could keep it down. So, she gave me an ok to take a 3-5 day break from my vitamins as long as I keep taking my medications. I am not allowed to put anything in my mouth that I have to chew. On top of all this, I only lost 1 pound this week. Mostly because all I have done is sit on the couch for the last few days.

She did say I can have fat-free, sugar-free pudding as long as I put protein powder in it. So, I just got done making that. Its in the fridge right now setting up. Hopefully it will taste good. With my taste buds changing, lots of things have been tasting really bad that I used to like. The hard part is that a lot of the things I can have only have 7-8g of protein in them so I have to have 10 servings a day to hit my goal. On top of that, I need to get in 64 oz of fluids. At least with the milk I can count 8oz toward liquid and 8g of protein toward my goal but there is only so much milk that a person can drink before going insane.

I guess this means I am starting over. I mean, I might as well be. I have to go back to liquids only for at least 5 days and then try more slowly this time to try introducing other proteins back in. I have decided to do better about posting, even if what I have to say isn't exactly delightful. This was supposed to be a journal for me as much as it is for other people. I am going to try to be more real about it.

Well, I am more than ready for my nap so I am going to end here. Later tonight, I will try to get my husband to take more pictures tonight so I can post them tomorrow. I don't think I have changed too much but some people say I have. I'll leave that up for you all to decide.