My husband got the granite bench placed in our memorial garden yesterday. Today, I am spending some much needed time with my babies. As I sit here with them, mourning my losses I can't help but think about what the future might look like.
In a few years, will I be sitting here watching my children play in the grass beneath these 2 trees. Or will I be sitting here alone looking at 3 or 4 trees instead of just 2.
Another month has passed and I am beginning to wonder if I'll ever even get pregnant again. There is so much to think about and so many overwhelming emotions.
The one piece of advice that everyone keeps giving is, let it go.
Letting go is so hard to do. Today, I am going to work on letting go. Right now Im going to sit with the memories of the babies I'll never get to know. When its time to go inside, I'll take a deep breathe, pray that God gives me a chance to be a mother to a living child, and then exhale as much of my pain and anger as I can. Tomorrow, I'll do it all over again. Hopefully, someday, I'll feel less burdened.
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