Obsessive Much?

10 More Confessions

1. I am really loving my new job but I miss the girls at my old job. The new crew is great but the old crew accepts me and all my craziness. I am glad I still get to work there 1-2 days a week.
2. I am excited that my niece will have her driver's license next year so that she can come babysit when Walter and I want to go out!
3. I am sad that someday my child will have less grandparents because my step father passed away last year. But I am relieved that my real dad isn't in the picture because he always made me feel like I was nothing.
4. My thoughts are almost always on getting pregnant, being pregnant, breastfeeding, rocking babies, singing to babies, changing diapers, teaching them to walk and talk, raising them to be great human beings and everything in between. To say I am obsessed is an understatement.
5. I take my temperature every time I wake up and track the time so that I can use the one that was taken after the most amount of sleep. Technically, your supposed to do it at the same time every day but I never sleep well and don't wake up at the same time every day.
6. I track every little symptom of anything on a program on my cell phone. If I have a symptom for more than 3 days in a row, I start googling it.
7. I want to take ambien every night to sleep but I haven't taken it in awhile since there is always the possibility that I'm pregnant even if the test says no. I would give up anything except my future child's health for the chance to get a good nights sleep for a month. I bet I would feel like a different person if I could just sleep regularly.
8. I have taken a pregnancy every day of this cycle starting on the 6th day after ovulation and I'm not stopping until I have my period or get a positive test. Technically, I started a little too early but a few people on pregnancy forums have reported positives that early so I can't help myself.
9. I am both relieved and disappointed every time I see a negative test. I am incredibly scared to be pregnant again even though there is nothing I want more in this world.
10. I am very concerned about getting pregnant while on Zoloft but I am scared of what life will be like without it. I am weaning myself off it anyway. Dr Fabulous doesn't think this is a good idea. I didn't tell him because I don't want him to be disappointed in me.