Its Getting Weird...

Another day and another pound down. Woot! Woot!



Saturday. Sunday. Monday. WOW. Oh my goodness. Surgery day is almost here! Woot! I know its a little weird to be excited about surgery but this has been a long time coming. Once I make a decision about something, I like for it to happen NOW. Going through this process has definitely been a lesson in patience. :-)

I just finished my third shake of the day which means I have one more to go. Add that to the four I have to drink tomorrow and it puts me just 5 protein shakes away from surgery. Sunday should be quite a challenge. Clear liquids only. No protein shakes. I am just happy that its only one day.

They called today to let me know I need to be at the hospital at 9am. Very happy its not 6am because I am not a morning person and VERY VERY happy its not in the afternoon cause I can't have anything to drink after midnight on Sunday. I am not sure how long I will have to wait for the surgery to start after arriving at the hospital but it will give me more time to practice my patience.

I packed my bag for the hospital already. I can't really have anything with me that day but I know I will want to have a hair brush, tooth brush, etc on Tuesday and Wednesday. I also packed a book and am trying to think of a few other things to keep me busy on Tuesday and Wednesday.

Walter is taking a half days all week so he can be with me as much as possible. He has Monday off already so he'll be there for that. I have to remind him to pick out a good book for his Ipod so he has something to listen to while he waits and while he is driving back and forth. I keep trying to get him to go do some shopping while I am in surgery because we need a few things but he doesn't want to leave the hospital. That is so sweet but I feel bad that he has to just sit around and wait. I guess that it is good that he has more patience than I do.

My niece says she is coming to visit when I come home from surgery. She wants to take care of me. That is so sweet. It will be nice to have someone around while Walter is at work in the mornings. Although, I might just spend most of the morning sleep if I can. I have been working so much I feel like I barely sleep anymore.

I guess I better get back to work. I am almost done for the week so I am hoping I can spend some time with my loving husband tonight when he gets home from work.

Another Day, Another Pound

I'm getting so excited. The day is almost here. Plus, I keep waking up to see the numbers go down on the scale. I can't wait to be able to notice the changes in my body. They will come soon enough!

I decided to plan a little something special for myself before the surgery. Balance Hair and Body, where I got all my wedding pampering done, posted a special on their facebook page and I decided to jump on it. So, tomorrow afternoon, I will be enjoying a heavenly facial. I've only had one before but it was fabulous and I know this one will be too. Its so relaxing and I just can't wait.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Its a good day!

Day 9 - Hunger Sets In

I am now into my second week of my pre-op diet and its finally driving me crazy. All last week I missed eating, especially when I was bored, but I never really felt hungry. The shakes were enough to keep me feeling full. Somewhere between day 7 and 8, I pretty much lost my mind and almost murdered my husband for an egg roll. Then last night I just couldn't seem to make the hunger pains go away. I drank a shake. For awhile, I sipped on a flavored water. Then I had a sugar-free popsicle. Then I had another suger-free popsicle. Then thirty minutes later I had another shake. The hunger just wouldn't go away.

Through this experience, I learned a very important lesson about the difference between mental hunger and physical hunger. I struggled with the mental hunger all week but when the physical hunger kicked in yesterday I just couldn't take it. My stomach growled and churned and finally got so bad I felt sick to my stomach. Even another popsicle didn't make me feel better. As I laid in bed last night, all I could think about was my empty stomach. I awoke in the night several times because it felt like my stomach was burning a hole through itself trying to find something to eat.

After six restless hours, I got up and went to work. First shakes of the day in hand. An hour later when I could have some water I did. Thirty minutes later my stomach was growling at me. Ugh. I tried a popsicle when I got home an hour ago but it only helps for 20 minutes or so. Its finally time for my second shake so I am sipping away as I type. I am trying to drink this one slower to drag it out a bit. I can't take too long though or I won't get enough other liquids in to hit my other goals.

Although this is getting harder and harder for me, I know that once I have my surgery it will be easier. Atleast then I won't have the physical hunger to deal with. I am feeling like I have a better handle on the mental cravings for food. On Sunday, Walter and I went to my sisters for my mother's birthday. There was cheese and crackers, veggies and dip, three kinds of chips, grilled chicken sandwiches, cookies and cake. I sat out by the pool, drank my shake and watched the kids play. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.

It feels good to be on the winning side of the mental game and as soon as I have the sugery I know I will start winning the phsyical game as well. The countdown continues and I am getting so excited. Its almost here!

I stepped on the scale this morning and was down another 2 pounds. Yeah!

Day 5 - Liquid Diet

My esophago-gastro-duodenoscopy (EGD) went well on Tuesday. I don't remember it so as far as I am concerned everything went as planned. :-) They had to remove a polyp from my esophagus and they sent it off to the lab to be checked. The doctor said that they usually aren't any problem but I can get the results in another week. They also discovered that I have a hietal hernia. Its not really a big deal as far as the surgery goes. He said that if the surgeon thinks it will be a problem he will just fix it while he is in there.


As I am drinking the last of my protein shake for the day, I'm thinking that the next 8 days are going to be very long. I miss food. It seems like everything is a reminder of what I won't be able to have for weeks to come. Driving down the road, on my way to meet with my assistants, I drive by dozens of fast food places and convenience stores advertising yummy things to eat. While watching TV with my husband, it seems like every commercial is for food and every show we watch seems to be about food. While playing on Facebook, I play games like Cafe World and Restaurant City. Games like Farmville and Frontierville and base most of the playing around food. Planting food, harvesting food, collecting food, eating food to gain more energy. FOOD. FOOD. Food is everywhere.

Today, I was going through the binder that I was given at the Bariatric center when I first started this process and noticed that I had misremembered the amount of protein I am supposed to be eating so I have to find a way to get in another 20g of protein every day. I broke down and bought some Super Whey Protein shots. Also, my husband just reminded me that we have some Isopure Zero Carb waters left as well.

I think I will have to start trying to get some of these fruity flavored drinks in as well because I can't imagine having to drink another protein shake. Having to drink 3 every day is already a challenge. Its not that I am too full to drink them but I am just so bored with them. If I could having anything right now it would probably be a bacon cheese burger with lettuce and tomato and fries on the side and a big slice of turtle cheesecake to top it all off. Hmmmm. Sounds heavenly. :-) To bad its what got me into this trouble in the first place.

Since I have been on the liquid diet, I have been weighing myself every day. I was so sure that I would lose a whole bunch of weight this week because I am not consuming very many calories but apparently by body isn't ready to let go.

So, I gained 10 pounds during my week long farewell to desserts. The next week I got a surprise extra week of food because they changed my surgery date and although I didn't gain any weight, I didn't lose any either. Now I'm into my liquid diet and I've only lost 5 pounds. I haven't even gotten back to my starting weight yet. Ugh.

I have been reminding myself every day that this is why I am having the surgery. Weight loss shouldn't be this difficult. I know I am supposed to be happy to lose any weight but I guess that at this point I have been waiting so long for this that it seems like its not happening fast enough. Be patient, Amity. Be patient, Amity. Be patient, Amity. I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying.

So, the countdown really begins. Surgery is on August 2nd. Wow. That's a little over a week away. I am so excited!

Day 1 - Liquid Diet

7:30 am

I open my first chocolate fudge Myoplex Lite of the day.

9:00 am

I open my first Zero Calorie "XXX" Vitamin Water.

1:00 pm

I open my second chocolate fudge Myoplex Lite of the day.

2:30 pm

I open my second Zero Calorie "XXX" Vitamin Water.

4:30 pm

I open my first plain Poland Springs water.

6:30 pm

I open my third chocolate fudge Myoplex Lite of the day.

 

9:00 pm

I drink my final drink of the day. Exactly 1 cup of 2% milk.

 

 

Today's Totals

33oz of protein shakes + 8 oz of milk = 68g Protein

40 oz flavored water + 16.9 oz plain water = 56.9 oz water

 

Thinking...

Most of my day is spent driving from my house to Winterport to meet with one of my assistants and then from her house to Orland to meet my other assistant. From there I usually have to meet with my manager in Ellsworth and then stop back in Orland and Winterport to drop off new work that I receive. Then after approximately 120 miles and 9-10 hours I arrive back at home. I am grateful I only have to do this 3 days week right now. I am sure that my back side would be seriously sore if I did it more often.

Surprisingly, I have been really enjoying these rides. The long ride gives me a lot of time to think about my upcoming surgery and what this change will mean for me during the rest of my life. It also gives me time to think about my past.

I remember that while growing up, I was always the kind of girl that thought I would have the perfect dream family. By the time I was 13, I had stopped wanting to be the President of the United States and had planned out my future family.

I was going to graduate from high school, fall in love, get married and have a dozen babies. We'd have a nice house with a big back yard and I'd be a stay at home mom. By the time I was 50, our kids would be all grown up. I'd get a part-time job to fill my days and we'd have the kids over every Sunday for family dinner.  My husband and I would retired as young as possible, travel all over the place and just enjoy each other's company. We'd spend tons of time with our kids and hopefully by then our grand kids.

As I pictured this all in my mind, I always imaged myself overweight. It was just the image of myself that was ingrained in my mind. It never occurred to me that I could be anything else. It was just a given.

Now, less than a year from my 30th birthday, I find myself with only one part of that dream I had as a little girl. I have the best husband a girl could ever ask for. And much to my surprise, I am about to have something it never occurred to me to dream. I am going to have a chance at a slimmer, healthier version of me.

We will probably never have children. I will probably always have a job to help makes ends meet because with the economy the way it is, its almost impossible for one person to support a family. We probably won't retired early but if we work hard enough and save our extra pennies, we'll be part of the lucky few that can actually retire. Through all this, I will be a completely different version of me. I'll be slimmer and healthier and I am sure I'll be more active.

Even though nothing will be what I planned as a teenager, somehow I finely feel ok with that. Last year, if you asked me if I was ok with not having those childhood dreams come true, I would have broken down and cried my eyes out. Now, I know that life will never be what I planned back then. However, I do know that it will be ok. It will probably be a better than ok. But for now I am happy with just ok. Ok seems a thousands times better than how I felt back then.

I'm glad for the hours in the car that help me to have these realizations. Each time I have one, I feel lighter and happier. Several days this week, my husband told me that he thought I was glowing. That has to be a good thing! And I'll take as many good things as I can get!

Scheduling

If you had asked me a few days ago what my blog would be about today, I would have told you that it would have been a very short list of what I can have on my liquid diet. However, yesterday morning I got a call from the Bariatric Center and they had to move my surgery. Now its not till August 2. That means, I have another whole week of solid food. I am tempted to have another week-long farewell to dessert but much to my surprise when I think about it, I am just about sick of dessert. I had so much sweet and yummy dessert last week that I gained 10 pounds and apparently my taste buds are just sick of it.

So, I am going to try and have all the different kinds of regular food I can't have for at least a year, So, last night we had pasta with Alfredo sauce and scallops. Mmmmm. Tonight we're going to have bourbon marinated salmon with 3-cheese rice and some sort of vegetable smothered in cheese (probably broccoli). Another night we'll have meatloaf with heavily seasoned baked potato bites all smothered in gravy. Double mmmmm. Pasta, rice, potatoes and even vegetables are not on the list of after surgery items. In fact, most things aren't on the list.

As I arrive at each phase of the pre- and post-surgery diets I will post a blog with the list of foods that I am allowed to eat. Maybe as the list grows you guys can help me to brain storm ideas on how to keep my food interesting. Well, I guess I better get some work done. Lots do get done before surgery.

My Week-Long Farewell to Dessert

I decided that when it comes to dessert that pictures are worth a thousand words. I didn't take any of these pictures myself. I found them all through google image search so I apologize for not having any kind of copyright information for these picutres.

The original plan was to go out to dinner one night and just order every dessert on the menu instead of having dinner but then I decided I would much rather eat dessert at home all week instead. Plus, Walter doesn't have as much of a sweet tooth as I do and he would never have made it through 4-5 desserts even if we shared. :-) So he just helped me to eat my way through these desserts all week.

Love you Walter and thanks for the help! I promise I won't make you eat any more desserts. I know we both put a few pounds back on this past week but it was worth it. I think I am totally caked-out. Atleast for now. :-)

Tomorrow starts the first 2 weeks of my liquid diet. I will blog more about that later this week when I am trying not to snack.

In the beginning...

Over a year ago, my husband and I attended a meeting about bariatric surgery. He had been thinking about it for some time and I wanted to know more. I thought that if he was thinking about having gastric bypass then I should know more about it. The seminar was very informative about both gastric bypass and the Lap Band procedure.

At the time, I really wasn't interested in either procedure for myself. The idea of permanently altering my insides (either by banding or bypass) seemed like too big of a step for me. I have dieted and exercised in the past and never had any luck but I guess I always just figured I was meant to be this way my whole life. The seminar did help me to realize why my husband wanted to have a bypass and it helped me to feel more at ease about him going through the process.

I tried to attend as many doctor's appointments and procedures as he would let me attend. I wanted to know everything about everything. I watched him go through the long process and throughout the entire journey, we talked about whether it would make sense for me. Nine months ago, I began the process but was still not sure I would ever be able to go through with it. I just knew that if I did, I wanted to do it soon after he did so we could make most of the journey together.

A few months ago, I decided that I wanted to have the bypass as well. I knew all that it entailed and I had been thinking about it for a long time. When Walter decided not to go through with his procedure, I wasn't sure what to do. I was so torn. I wanted to support him in his decision to try the healthy eating and exercise approach again but I knew that I had never been successful at it. He had been successful in the past but just had difficulty sticking to it. I wasn't sure I could truly be supportive if I chose a different method. How could we make the journey together if we were on two different roads?

After having met with a nutritionist several times over the course of several months, I knew that diet just wasn't going to work. No matter how little I ate and no matter how many of my favorite things I cut from my diet, I still couldn't lose weight.

I decided that to truly support one another we had to take the road that best fit each of us even if it put us on a different path. The important thing I needed to remember is that both roads lead to the same place. They lead to a more active lifestyle where we don't have to worry about fitting in an airplane seat or missing out on our nieces and nephews because we don't have the energy to play along. So, we talked it out and each of us made our decision to make our own way and to be there for each other no matter how different our journeys may be.

So, I completed the process and was approved by the insurance company. I had my final meeting with the surgeon and he gave me a surgery date. I had my meetings with the personal trainer to give me some easy strength training exercises I can do from home starting now and continuing on after surgery. I had my blood work done last Friday.

I begin my liquid only diet on July 12. On July 19, I have my pre-op appointment with the surgical nurse and the anesthesiologist. And lastly, on July 20, I will have my EGD (esophagogastroduodenoscopy). As long as everything looks good with all these tests, my surgery will take place on July 26, which happens to be my mom's birthday. When the surgeon gave me that date, I couldn't help but think that it was a good omen. My mom thinks so as well. I am so close and I am getting so very excited.

Walter helped me to take starting pictures of myself the other night. I will post those in the next few days. I probably won't take another set of pictures until the night before my surgery. However, after surgery I expect to post pictures at least once a week. We have set up a place to take the pictures every time and I have decided to wear the same clothes every time until they are just too big to stay on anymore.

I am going to end this blog posting here because I know its already too long. :-) I will write again soon. Perhaps a little posting about all the wonderful treats I have had this week on my week-long farewell to dessert...