This 2ww is turning into a 3ww and that sucks.
For those of you that don't spend your free time on message boards for women trying to get pregnant, the 2ww is more commonly referred to as the "2 week wait." Still not sure what I'm talking about? That's OK. Most of you probably never got a lesson in female reproductive cycles in high school or college. Although it can be used just as successfully as a birth control option as it is in baby creation, schools teach abstinence and not the natural cycle method.
I don't want to get too technical and I certainly don't want to get too graphic so I'll try to stick to the basics. For most women, after an egg is released (ovulation), there is usually 14 days before their period begins. This 2 weeks of waiting is torture for couples trying hard to conceive.
As a woman you are analyzing every weird twinge and odd symptom and trying to prove to yourself that this month you are pregnant. If you have been trying very long or have any fertility problems at all, then you count these days and track your symptoms carefully. You probably already track your temperatures to confirm ovulation and now your comparing your chart to last months hoping to see something different that might indicate your pregnant.
Starting on day 10, you whip out the pregnancy tests and the insanity begins. Every morning you crawl out of bed and before you are even awake enough to notice if the sun is up, you are peeing on a stick. You set your timer for 3 minutes and then wait. I usually brush my teeth and go back to my bed side table for my glasses. I'm now awake enough to see that the test only has one line. Not pregnant.
This is where the mind starts justifying why the test is wrong. You think to yourself that the test isn't sensitive enough to pick up the hcg this early in the pregnancy. You remind yourself not to get too bummed out cause tomorrow it will be a yes!
6am the next morning you do it all again. 6am the following morning you do it again. You repeat this process every day until you get a positive test or your period starts. Sounds simple enough. Then your body starts playing tricks on you. Instead of getting a yes or starting your period, the waiting continues and so does the testing. Each additional day that you get a negative test, you get more and more frustrated. Before you know it you are on day 17 and your thinking about ordering more tests because you don't know how long this will continue.
You start to hate yourself and your body for not working properly. You begin to wonder what is causing the problem and contemplate how to fix it and all along part of you is still hoping that tomorrow you'll get your positive test. You spend hours on the Internet looking for explanations. You're getting advice from women you've never met but they are going through the same thing as you so it makes you feel like they know what they are talking about.
This morning I'm blogging from the warmth and comfort of my bed. Thank you blogger for creating an app for that. I keep staring at the bathroom door. I'm dreading the idea of taking another test but I know I will because if I don't then I will regret it all day. So, I've been waiting for over 30 minutes to go pee and my bladder is screaming at me but I'm so worried it will be another negative test. I'm not sure I can handle too many more negatives. Mentally and emotionally I'm a total wreck and I know that the smallest thing could push me off the deep end.
OK.OK. I know its just a stupid test. I always did well on tests in school. What is the big deal? I'm going to do it. Right now. Can you do me a favor, please? Set a timer for 3 minutes. Stop reading while you wait the timer to go off. Feel how long the wait is when your anticipation is high. When the timer goes off, join me back here for results!
Did you really do it? Did you wait the 3 minutes with me? Did it seem like a long time? It seemed like it to me. So I know your wondering what the test said. Well, I've always agreed with the sentiment that a picture is worth a thousand words, so here you go:
For those of you that don't spend your free time on message boards for women trying to get pregnant, the 2ww is more commonly referred to as the "2 week wait." Still not sure what I'm talking about? That's OK. Most of you probably never got a lesson in female reproductive cycles in high school or college. Although it can be used just as successfully as a birth control option as it is in baby creation, schools teach abstinence and not the natural cycle method.
I don't want to get too technical and I certainly don't want to get too graphic so I'll try to stick to the basics. For most women, after an egg is released (ovulation), there is usually 14 days before their period begins. This 2 weeks of waiting is torture for couples trying hard to conceive.
As a woman you are analyzing every weird twinge and odd symptom and trying to prove to yourself that this month you are pregnant. If you have been trying very long or have any fertility problems at all, then you count these days and track your symptoms carefully. You probably already track your temperatures to confirm ovulation and now your comparing your chart to last months hoping to see something different that might indicate your pregnant.
Starting on day 10, you whip out the pregnancy tests and the insanity begins. Every morning you crawl out of bed and before you are even awake enough to notice if the sun is up, you are peeing on a stick. You set your timer for 3 minutes and then wait. I usually brush my teeth and go back to my bed side table for my glasses. I'm now awake enough to see that the test only has one line. Not pregnant.
This is where the mind starts justifying why the test is wrong. You think to yourself that the test isn't sensitive enough to pick up the hcg this early in the pregnancy. You remind yourself not to get too bummed out cause tomorrow it will be a yes!
6am the next morning you do it all again. 6am the following morning you do it again. You repeat this process every day until you get a positive test or your period starts. Sounds simple enough. Then your body starts playing tricks on you. Instead of getting a yes or starting your period, the waiting continues and so does the testing. Each additional day that you get a negative test, you get more and more frustrated. Before you know it you are on day 17 and your thinking about ordering more tests because you don't know how long this will continue.
You start to hate yourself and your body for not working properly. You begin to wonder what is causing the problem and contemplate how to fix it and all along part of you is still hoping that tomorrow you'll get your positive test. You spend hours on the Internet looking for explanations. You're getting advice from women you've never met but they are going through the same thing as you so it makes you feel like they know what they are talking about.
This morning I'm blogging from the warmth and comfort of my bed. Thank you blogger for creating an app for that. I keep staring at the bathroom door. I'm dreading the idea of taking another test but I know I will because if I don't then I will regret it all day. So, I've been waiting for over 30 minutes to go pee and my bladder is screaming at me but I'm so worried it will be another negative test. I'm not sure I can handle too many more negatives. Mentally and emotionally I'm a total wreck and I know that the smallest thing could push me off the deep end.
OK.OK. I know its just a stupid test. I always did well on tests in school. What is the big deal? I'm going to do it. Right now. Can you do me a favor, please? Set a timer for 3 minutes. Stop reading while you wait the timer to go off. Feel how long the wait is when your anticipation is high. When the timer goes off, join me back here for results!
Did you really do it? Did you wait the 3 minutes with me? Did it seem like a long time? It seemed like it to me. So I know your wondering what the test said. Well, I've always agreed with the sentiment that a picture is worth a thousand words, so here you go:
Yup. Just what we all expected. Its another negative. My best guess at this point is that my prolactin levels went back up. I know that the MRI showed no tumor but coming off the prolactin suppressing meds is the only change we've made this month. Next week I'll call the doctor and see if I can get my levels checked. Tumor or not, I might need to stay on those meds. Ugh. They give me such headaches! Well, I am sure its just the beginning of the difficult things I will do for my children. And I am already willing to do anything.
I guess its time to start my day. Today, we are going to pick out pear trees for our memorial garden! Check back tomorrow for pictures of our adventure.
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