So, last Friday, Dr Fabulous and I had a really great heart-to-heart. I am not going to rehash the whole conversation but it ended a little something like this:
Dr Fabulous: Amity. I think your depressed. We've checked for all the obvious stuff that could be causing your symptoms and ruled out everything I can think of.
Me: I guess you can only be sad for so long before it turns to depression.
Dr Fabulous: Lets just give you a little something to help you get through the day, something to help you sleep and maybe set you up to talk to someone.
Me: OK. You're the expert. Nothing I have tried has helped so I will try it your way.
Dr Fabulous: Plus, you don't have to be medicated forever. You're hoping to be pregnant soon and I think that will make you happier, right?
Me: Right.
Even though he forgot to send in my scripts on Friday, which I already forgave him for, I am still incredibly thankful to have this man in my life. He knows me. Knows when I'm not me. And he genuinely seems to want to help, always.
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Today was my first appointment with Ann, the counselor he set me up with. I met with her right in his office, which is very convenient. We talked about my family and life history and about why Dr Fabulous recommended I see her. We didn't really get to the nitty gritty today but I think I am going to like her. She asked questions, listened to my answers, and gave suggestions when appropriate.
Before I left, she hugged me and told me we'd get through it together. Normally, those blanket statements that things will be OK are enough to drive me batty but I believed her. She said it with such conviction and compassion that I can't help but believe that things will get better. I dunno. Maybe that's just the Zoloft talking. LOL.
The Ambien is NOT working. Or at least its not working yet. It does say it can take up to a week for your body to get used to it and correct the insomnia. Ann gave me some breathing and relaxation exercises to help me when I wake up and can't go back to sleep. Hopefully, the combination will be life changing.
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I know this has many of you wondering what has me so sad and depressed. Although I'd like to just confess it all right now, I have to go to work. But I am feeling better already for confessing some of my secrets. The rest will come in the next few days. Ann suggested I journal but I've decided to blog. Maybe I will journal too, for the things that are too personal to share in a blog, but I have decided that I can't keep secrets anymore. Pretending things are just fine is too difficult for me. I can't do it. Its adding to the anxiety and depression and that's not good for anyone!
So, stay tuned. More confessions to come...
good luck with Ann, I can tell you from first hand experience talking to someone that's not in the situation, unbiased if you will, helps, if only to give you perspective.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I need to tell you how I feel about counseling. I'm really glad you're going and are open to the idea.
ReplyDeleteAs for journaling. I recommend it to most of my clients and I keep a personal journal myself (for things not-bloggable).
XO