Halloween is a day that so many celebrate with costumes and candy. I know that when Wally gets older, I will need to embrace this holiday. But today, I am still mourning the loss of my first baby. Benjamin would have been born one year ago today, had he come on his due date. I feel so incredibly blessed every time I look at Wally but I'll never stop hurting over the loss of my first 2 babies.
I wasn't able to take the day off from work today and I have a doctor's appointment this morning. So, this morning I am taking the time to think of my Benjamin and mourn the loss of all the dreams I had for him. I will never forget how it all happened. Everything from how we found out we were pregnant to when we found out we were losing him.For now, I am embracing the good parts of that journey. Although, he wasn't "planned" he was a joyous surprise for me.
Benjamin Peace Watts, thank you for coming to me when I needed you the most. Thank you for opening your father's eyes to see that having a baby was something he wanted to.
Wally, thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for being such an
amazing little baby. Thank you for showing me that I could indeed have a
baby; I am not quite a broken as I thought. I cannot wait to see you
each and every day. You amaze me more and more!
Dr Fabulous, thank you for helping me to realize that the world wasn't over because Benjamin didn't come into it. Thank you for being an amazing doctor and a shoulder to cry on. Thank you for sticking with me through it all and pushing me to just keep moving forward.
Walter, My husband, My best Friend. You have given me the gift of a child, not once, but 3 times. I will forever love each and ever one of them as I will always love you. Thank you for holding me when I cried for our loss. Thank you for being patient when I needed more time to cry. Thank you for putting up with me for the last 18 months as we road this roller coaster together.
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