Nothing is Ever Easy

Spotting for days and now pains too. Awesome. Not!

I knew that this wasn't going to be easy but I didn't quite expect it to be the emotional roller coaster that it is. Today is definitely a down day. I am going to apologize in advance to all of you that enjoy your weekends but I am going to pray that mine zips by so fast that I can't even remember it happened.

I need that ultrasound so bad. I need to know what is going on in there. Not knowing is almost killing me. Although if the news is bad, that will probably kill me for sure.

Trying to remind myself that lots of women go through this all the time and its no big deal. Its just hard to forget that these things normally end badly for me. Its starting to feel like the beginning of the end instead of the beginning of my miracle.

I keep rubbing my belly and telling our baby to settle down for the winter but it doesn't seem to be working.

All of this worry and emotional upset will be worth it when we get to hold our baby next year. All of this worry and emotional upset will be worth it when we get to hold our baby next year. All of this worry and emotional upset will be worth it when we get to hold our baby next year. All of this worry and emotional upset will be worth it when we get to hold our baby next year. All of this worry and emotional upset will be worth it when we get to hold our baby next year.

This is my new mantra.

Update

HCG came back. 11592. Awesome. Ultrasound again on Monday. Yeah.

Mixed Reviews

I thought that today I was going to be able to announce to everyone that I'm pregnant and post an ultrasound picture of our baby. But there is no ultrasound picture to share. I should be 7 weeks 1 day today but the gestational sac only measured 6 weeks. There was a yolk sac but no sign of a baby yet.

I am trying to just keep reminding myself that this is good news. I mean, things are still looking good. All my blood work last week came back good and there is a definite chance that the timing was just off. Its just so hard not to think about what has happened in the past.

Because the dates are off, we don't have a due date yet and I had to have some more blood work done tonight. As long as the test results look as good as they have been, then I'll have another ultrasound next week. Hopefully the next ultrasound will show a growing baby with a strong, fast heartbeat.

Walter thinks this is all great news but I am still just trying to stay more realistic, and not get overly optimistic. I think that this was neither good news or bad. It just means we have to wait a little longer for confirmation of what direction we are headed in.

Lost in Outer Space

I am so excited for Thanksgiving weekend because I get to spend time with my mom, both my sisters, and all the kids. We will have several meals together, play together and at some point, open Christmas presents together. I can't remember when that tradition started but I love it. I am one of the few people that can get just about all their shopping done before Thanksgiving!

I am making a double batch of peanut butter balls and also two loaves of bubble bread. I will be making a toffee trifle and whatever else that I feel the need to bake. I am also making homemade meatballs to take to Walter's Aunt's house tomorrow and sausage gravy and biscuits for a special breakfast on Sunday at my sister's house. Walter is going to make an all meat chili for dinner on Saturday. I'll probably have to make some homemade biscuits to go with that.

Everything just sounds so yummy. I am probably going to gain 15 pounds over the next 4-5 days.

There is so much that I have to be thankful for this year. Quite a few people I know are posting status updates on Facebook each day to say what they are thankful for. Its great to see but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. So, instead I am going to end this posting with a list of things I am thankful for.

1. Walter
2. My family.
3. His family.
4. My best friend.
5. A roof over my head.
6. A reliable car
7. Yummy food in my belly, ALL the time.
8. Fairly good health for me
9. An amazing doctor for both Walter and I
10. A great Chiropractor to keep me lined up.
11. A therapist that asks the tough questions but also knows when to just let me vent.
12. Health insurance to help me pay for it all.


I know this list should probably be so much longer. I know there must be more. I'll keep working on it. Maybe in a few day's I'll post some more.

I hope that everyone has a great Thanksgiving and that you are just coming out of a food coma at this time tomorrow.