One Year Anniversary

The first anniversary of my gastric bypass came and went this week. Part of me feels like I have accomplished so much in the last year. Part of me feels like I still have so much work to do. 

I am starting to feel like I am on the verge of a mid-life crisis. I want to just climb to the tallest building I can find and scream at the world. I want to tell everyone to go away and leave me alone. I want to stay in bed all day with the shades pulled down and the covers pulled up over my head.

When I started this weight loss journey I thought that I would feel so much better after losing the weight. I have been greatly disappointed. It seems like I have more problems since losing weight than I ever had before. Its so hard not to regret having had the surgery.

I saw the surgeon on Thursday morning. I was so worried about seeing him because I haven't had as much weight loss in the last few months as I had in the beginning. I am not sure if he is a mind reader or if he could just read it on my face but he had all the right things to say.

He told me that its normal to feel like life didn't get better after the surgery. He showed me a picture of me before surgery and reminded me of how far I had come. He reminded me of all the struggles I had with day-to-day living before surgery. He asked me not to regret the surgery because even though some days are an incredible emotional struggle that the health benefits alone are well worth it. He told me that its normal to feel tired and even depressed. He told me that its normal to feel alone and encouraged me to try find someone I could talk to that had gone through this too. He encouraged me to put myself first. He reminded me that there are only so many hours in the day and that I have to decide for myself what is most important and put it first. I couldn't help but cry as I listened to him talk. It felt like he knew what it was like to be me. It felt like I was a little less alone in this world.

I felt so much better after leaving his office that it was like walking on clouds. Knowing that someone in the world knows what it feels like to be me is very uplifting. I need to figure out how to find more people like that in my life. I need to figure out how to have less needy people in my life and more "partners" in this journey. I haven't figured it all out yet but I know what my first 2 steps are going to be.

Step 1: I am going to start surrounding myself with people/things that bring me joy.

Step 2: I am going to start removing people/things from my life that bring me sadness.


I think that a few quotes that I found earlier today will help to continue to work on the journey to a better me.

I have a lot of things to prove to myself.

One is that I can live my life fearlessly.
~Oprah Winfrey 

I just don't want to live like I used to. And at some point,
I'm going to put a gag order on myself in terms of talking about the past.
I've got to slam the door and deal with the present and the future.
~Charlie Sheen 

God has entrusted me with myself.
~Epictetus
The curious paradox is that
when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.
~Carl Rogers