Baby Sidney

Sidney Olivia Watts was due to be born today. I know that I should just be happy that I am currently 15 weeks pregnant with Baby #3 but I can't help but be sad that I never got to hold Baby Benjamin or Baby Sidney.

I went through my memory box for our lost babies and I spent some time outside in our memorial garden. I looked at the ultrasound pictures for the new baby and after I post this, I will take out my Doppler and listen to Baby's precious heart beat.

Its so hard to be excited about all the wonderful milestones we've already gotten to have with this new baby without being sad that we never got to do those things with our first 2. We never got to see their little faces or hear their hearts beating.

I can't imagine that I will ever be able to have their due dates pass without acknowledging them in some way. No matter how little time we had with them, they were my babies and I will always love them.

In honor of all we lost and in recognition of the miracle I have growing inside me, I have decided to post some more pictures of Baby #3. I know that it can be hard to tell what's going on in these pictures so I hope the captions are helpful.


Baby's legs crossed and the bottom of one foot.

Baby's hand in front of his face.

Baby looking right at us.

12 Week Miracle

I have officially been pregnant for 12 weeks. I've known for 9 weeks. It has been the longest 9 weeks of my life. Each and every day my little miracle grows bigger and stronger. The ups and downs the first few weeks were almost unbearable. I was lucky not to lose my baby or my mind.

The last few weeks have been tough for totally different reasons. So many women would love to feel as good as I do at this stage of their pregnancy. Instead of a relief, it was alarming to lose all my early pregnancy symptoms that early. Dr. Fabulous told me to relax and just enjoy it. I tried and succeeded part of the time but not all of it.

Last Friday, we got to hear the baby's heart beat for the first time. I sighed with relief. I instantly felt a huge weight lifted off my back. There was real proof that my baby was alive and well. I can't thank my husband enough for asking the doctor to do it. I can't thank Dr. Fabulous enough for taking time out of his busy day to do it.

I am excited to go to the doctor on Monday so we can hear the heart beat again. Plus, we are going to schedule an ultrasound. I am hoping I can get it squeezed in after work one day so I don't have to wait a whole week. I’m a little worried about the ultrasound because it’s to look for indications of certain types of birth defects. I know that this only tells us if we are at a higher risk for these things and the baby could still come out perfectly healthy but if they tell me we are high risk I'll worry for the rest of the pregnancy. I know that some people don’t bother to even get this screening but I can’t imagine turning down and opportunity to look at my baby. Besides, this time it will look like a baby instead of a little blip on the screen!